The race for 2023 and the options before Nigeria has gotten to the extent that the only way to reasonably qualify it would be “wawoo”.
The options before Nigeria ahead of the 2023 presidential elections definitely leave an unpleasant taste in the mouth. Indeed, one is left to wonder: is this the best that we can do? Is this really it? And nothing worsens this inexplicable feeling of despondency more than seeing the Jagaban acolytes (henceforth to be known and addressed by me as “jagabandits”); running around all over social media trying to justify why their inherent lack of good judgment; need I add “once again” – is a burden that the rest of Nigerians must bear for being unceremoniously coupled with them by a certain Lord Lugard and his cronies.
They think for instance, that Jagaban is the best thing bar none, that could ever happen to Nigeria in 2023. Uh, excuse me for a moment while I count the ways: security, good roads, running water in every home; an escape from the crippling poverty index in which we are mired, standard education (world grade); working facilities, amenities and public utilities, a justice system that works; (especially as far as jailing corrupt politicians is concerned) … need I continue?
Any of the things mentioned above could happen to Nigeria right now. In fact, it would not even be ranked amongst the “best” thing that could ever happen to a country as rich and diverse as Nigeria; because these are just standard rules of engagement for serious countries but developed and developing.
And no, don’t get us started on how Jagaban can make this happen. Our answer to you in short form would be “no”. He can’t. So let us stop all these games we like playing, please.
Then we have the version of jagabandits running around social media; trying to convince us that there is no cause for alarm when a politician; who is also a public figure can have legit bank bullion vans dispatching money across the length and breadth of the state; with destination almost always his heavily guarded private residence.
Like, what exactly is going on? How much raw cash does a private citizen need at any point in time and delivered by bullion vans? Complete with specie escort vehicles? And this is not Venezuela or some other crazy conundrum that is difficult to unravel by a clean, drug free mind?
According to these jagabandits, because of “security”; it is more convenient for someone who wants to withdraw say N100,000 to call the bank; request a bullion van with specie escort and the bank would be more than pleased to oblige them.
I am sure this piece of news would be well received by the average Nigerians ; many of who get beset upon by kidnappers and robbers while trying to move around with basic cash for their regular business activities.
If I were one of them, I would have petitioned CBN already. My request would be to have my bank dedicate a specie escort to me; so that the proceeds of my street corner mama put business no go ever dey at risk.
The one that literally “offs” me the most is how there is apparently some great deed that Jagaban has done for Nigeria (I checked and the most recent I could find was helping foist a Muhammadu Buhari presidency on Nigeria through some sleek sleight of hand); and for this deed, the country should be so grateful that they should just sign him on as supreme leader “one hand”, and hand over the keys of the country to him to express our “gratitude”.
The best part of this proposal to me? Apparently, this 2023 elections may be our last chance to thank him “before he dies”.
Nigerian Presidency apparently now tops the bucket list of expiring politicians.
What other way to exit the grand suffering (occasioned by these same crafty old foxes); than to welcome them into Aso Rock Geriatric Villa where they can live out the rest of their days peacefully; slipping deeper and deeper into dementia while the entire country slowly melts around them without their being aware; or even able to do much other than stare into a camera and recycle political buzz words from decades past.
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Whatever it is that Tinubu has done for you people that you feel you need to thank him for; please head to the Fine Arts department of the nearest tertiary institution to you. There, please commission a final year student to produce a handmade card for him.
This card should be large enough for all the deeply appreciative jagabandits to find some space to squeeze in their signatures.
Card signed, please sew aso-ebi with his face on it and some words of gratitude inscribed on it; then hire a Yoruba music band (maybe book Pasuma Wonder or KWAM 1 well enough in advance); who will escort you all and the card in full fanfare to Bourdillon close.
Go there and express all the gratitude you want, please.