We have heard your opinions on how Serena Williams was able to win the Australian Open while a couple of months pregnant and how that has suddenly become an indictment on women all over the world who want to be carried like eggs from the moment oga withdraws and they feel the fertilised egg jump for joy.
And we understand with you.
Much power to our girl Serena. Minus that failed attempt at twerking, Serena can do no wrong where we are.
We love her nevertheless and would like to suggest that she births her baby on the tennis court. Pausing between swings of the rachet to push out an able-bodied baby.
One that will not even cry as it comes out of the womb like the children of lazy Nigerian women, but would instead recite the American Anthem as it glides out.
Something like that…
So, a professional tennis player, one who has spent all her life playing tennis goes ahead to still do what she does best and we are supposed to stand in awe because she did it?
That is almost like saying that bankers who work until the day they put to bed should be eulogised. Ditto teachers who stand for hours in front of the class, teaching until they have to take their maternity leave; farmers who go to the farm every day; market women who do their business, some of whose waters break in their places of businesses and work and they are rushed to the hospital from there.
Seriously, can Serena pound yam while eight and a half months pregnant?
Can she wash a pile of clothes that a household of eight has been accumulating for the past two weeks in order to “induce labour”?
Can she walk long distances and fight off able-bodied men to secure a place in a bus?
Can she trek for miles with a bowl of food on her head, which she has to sell for sustenance?
Oh wait, I almost fell into the trap of allowing myself get pitted against a woman who did what hundreds and millions of other women like her do all over the world without whimpering – be pregnant and continue to pursue your career while at it.
Kini big deal.
So let’s ask you Men, can YOU take a malaria jab without having to be physically held down by four nurses while being cajoled and petted by a weaker vessel – your wife?
Can you withstand a bout of malaria without calling down all the diseases of the biblical Egyptians on your own head?
Can you have an ordinary cold without downing tools and expecting your entire family to fawn over you and treat you like a god?
Can your baby cry if you are in the same room and having a headache?
Oh wait, can you carry a pregnancy?
You can’t even carry your own beer bellies without huffing and puffing all over the place and panting like lizards that just fell off a tree.
Edakun, clear road and park well o.
Serena is doing her thing, let other women do their own things.
We are not all professional athletes.
Did you cringe when you read that word?
Menstruation or The Monthly Curse or Aunty Flo or The Red Label or any of the many other names we use to discuss it when you all are around so that you don’t feel uncomfortable around it.
Sometimes you wonder, did we really need to have this menstruation of a thing to have babies? Isn’t there any other way a woman would know she has attained puberty and childbearing age than menstruation?
The mood swings.
Some of us have fever as a precursor to our monthly flow.
Some bleed sparingly, and some have heavy flows. Some start early and some start not too early but for the majority, it is an über uncomfortable 4 – 7 days spent hugging the hot water bottle.
As the uterine lining tears away from the uterus wall, some women feel every sharp rip.
The pills you pop in search of relief from the crippling cramps.
And what about those who have heavy flows? Who double and triple glaze with a combination of tampons and towels yet everytime they sit and stand up during their monthly period, there is a rush by concerned women to provide some form of covering for her stained clothes?
Aaaaaand should we talk about the cost of sanitary towels? As a double glazer myself, from spending about N1,000 on pads every month, all thanks to the economy, we now do an average of N2,400.
That you use to catch the blood and other uterine matter draining from your glory hole.
And you do this every month?
For at least 30 to 40 years?
So, having read number two above, why exactly do you think that saying to a woman, “you that you are already in your menopause,” is an insult?
Does experiencing relief from all of the symptoms I have described above seem like an insult to you or more of a relief?
You all should thank your stars that we women have not thought up “Menopause parties” yet and started celebrating menopausal anniversaries o.
It is about time sha, we are almost there.
I know for one that I will have a wild party to celebrate the end of the physical discomfort and pain that comes every month as clockwork, and an end to the N2,000 that must be spent each month on packaging during the menstrual period.
We’ll worry about osteoporosis and hotflashes and mood swings when we get to that bridge.
Just respect women okay?
You wouldn’t be able to go through a tenth of what nature passes us through without crumbling and yes, we all go through life, whether we are Serena Williams or not.
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