A Masterclass in Being Nigerian aka “A Rogue, Your Rogue and My Rogue” – Viola Okolie

A Masterclass in Being Nigerian aka “A Rogue, Your Rogue and My Rogue” – Viola Okolie




So the mace-snatching senator made it to Deputy Senate President and suddenly it becomes glaring how Nigerians demarcate issues of morality and national importance among three very clear and distinct lines: a rogue, your (una) rogue, and my (our) rogue.


And if it was difficult to grasp this concept, a masterclass is currently ongoing as the Urhobo branch of social media dwellers attempt to educate the rest of us on how to navigate the murky waters of this great contraption called Nigeria.



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A rogue – everybody is assumed a rogue in Nigeria by default, especially when he has not been properly or clearly defined in terms of ethnicity, wealth or social standing. That is when you hear “the average Nigerian is a thief.” Or “the average Igbo man is a this and that,” or worse still, “the average Fulani man would so so and so…”


A rogue has no name, so everybody has an opinion on him (or her) and that opinion is always generously doled out albeit unsolicited; and is almost always uncomplimentary.


Everybody hates a rogue because he belongs to everybody and to nobody; so our first and normal reaction is to pull out the usual Michelin ‘necklace’ and place around his neck, add a generous helping of eau de petrol, and set the whole mess ablaze. A rogue with no name is a disgrace to the country.


Spoiling our image away and at home.




You need to rein in your rogue, but tribalism will not let you be great. You are a bigot, a tribalist, you are one of the major problems that Nigeria has.


Can’t you see that your rogue is the major problem that Nigeria has? Why are you supporting your rogue? Haven’t you heard that we lynch rogues in this country, both online and in real life?


No, we don’t want to hear your opinion on this matter neither do we need to hear their “side of the story”. Hearing their side of the story is not giving them a right to be heard, it is aiding and abetting corruption which Buhari is fighting – aware or unaware.


And you and your rogue are trying to drag Nigeria back several years. What do you mean that snatching a mace is not a sure sign of some criminal tendencies? What do you mean by it is all a part of politics? Ah, you are part of the problem.


Yes! You.



A Masterclass in Being Nigerian aka “A Rogue, Your Rogue and My Rogue



You are the reason why Nigeria will never have good things because you love your politician better than you love your country. Was it not Aristotle (abi Mugabe, abi Oliver de Coque) who said that the true measure of patriotism, is not love for politics but love for country?


Stop shielding rogues.


Nigeria can never be great because the next generation is already “worster” than the last.




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My rogue is an entirely different ball game altogether.


Touch not!


My prophet, my politician, my rogue.


Touch not.


You are only criticizing my rogue because you have been paid by his enemies and haters, most of whom are your own rogues, to spread lies and slander him.


See, let me break this down further for you:


My rogue is misunderstood. He is not really a rogue, he is not even a rogue per se.


He is a philanthropist who has accumulated a lot of enemies who hate him because of his good deeds that have endeared him to the common man who loves him more than they even love themselves or good roads, running water, access to an efficient healthcare system, and good schools for their children.


You see, even when my rogue has an unexplainable source of wealth and drives cars that can move his entire state away from the brink of extinction, and can not point to any tangible thing he has done for his people with the money he stole; he still is a Robin Hood. Perhaps the only Robin Hood in Nigeria.


He steals from the rich and gives to the poor.


Just that in his own Robin Hood manual, the “rich” refers to the average Nigerians who have an abundance of natural resources which they cannot access, they only hear about it with their mouths wide open when things like the “budget” is being read, or another person’s rogue is being exposed for “corruption”; while the “poor” refers to the poor little rich kids he birthed.


The ones who do not know what it means to attend a Nigerian school; queue up to be seen by overworked, under-paid and under equipped medical staff when they are sick; fly economy class with ordinary Nigerians; or even how to walk from the car to the mall where they go to spend the money their parent has stolen from the “rich”.


My rogue is a good man.


You only think he is a rogue because you have not come close to him and allowed him to touch your life a little.


Lynch my rogue?


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You ethnic jingoistic bigot masquerading as a de-tribalised Nigerian.


What a betrayed!




And THAT, my good people; is the idiots’ guide to understanding Nigerian politicians and their supporters.


If you know, you know.





Video credit

Lilian Osigwe

Osigweh Lilian Oluchi is a graduate of the University of Lagos where she obtained a B.A (Hons) in English, Masters in Public and International affairs (MPIA). Currently works with 1stnews as a Database Manager / Writer.

Lilian Osigwe

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