A woman’s weight is not to be conquered – Nkem Ndem

A woman’s weight is not to be conquered – Nkem Ndem


There are certain things I still see online that vexes my soul.

I mean, I should be immune to such things by now because clearly, some things may never change, but when I see myopic people who are not any better judging and trying to ruin someone’s beautiful moments by putting them down, it just hurts me.


Last week, I came across a post on Instagram.


It was the wedding photo of man, an average looking guy and possibly in his 30s, sitting next to his newly wedded wife, a dark and super curvy woman who was also possibly her 30s.


I admit she may be classified as plus-sized and looked way bigger than her groom, but the caption was what really got me upset.


The post on @asoebiladies was captioned: ‘Love CONQUERS all thingsGod bless your union. Ma’am, you so beautiful.’


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My first question was: What exactly was conquered?


And why the reference to how beautiful the bride was?


Why not ‘what a beautiful couple’?


Why the under-handed compliment directed to her alone?


Why is her weight something ‘love’ had to conquer?


What is wrong with being plus-size?


Was the post implying that plus-sized women should feel grateful when they find a man who agrees to marry them?


As you would expect, the comment section was a mess.


A number of people commented on how she was way older than the groom and therefore, not the perfect match for him.


Another comment insisted the man must have married her for foreign papers, while another agreed that he must be with her for the money.


A number of people tried to defend the woman and call out the post, but most of the trolls stood their ground.


Here’s a comment that really shocked me:


“I only comment on the post that said this love conquers and I say this is a big lie; it’s money that conquer this one. The lady has money, she has visa, that’s why that boy married her. Don’t reply me; the answer to this question should be kept in your heart.


“If that boy was your brother and brought that lady home and said to you, ‘I want to marry her because I love her, she has no job for now, I am just managing my income to take care of her’, what will you say to him?


“Sometimes, you guys just pretend on the Internet to show a good ‘face’ but deep in your hearts, you know the truth, the truth should be said. The woman is too old for the guy, you see the hand…?”


People who say mean things to women who they believe are overweight (and you know who you are), have their own motives, and most of them are not altruistic.


Perhaps, they feel that making overweight people feel ashamed of their weight or eating habits may motivate them to get healthier.


But this is not the truth.


Scientific evidence has even confirmed that nothing could be further from the truth!


Fat-shaming has consequences.


It can really take the sparkle off someone’s life. Instead of motivating people, fat-shaming makes them feel terrible about themselves, causing them to eat more and gain more weight.


The stigma and discrimination against overweight people actually brings on major psychological harm and worsens the problem!


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It is always a good thing to lose weight to improve your health if you need to.


But you don’t have to lose weight in order to find a man. A man will love you no matter your size. In fact, weight should be a non-factor and shouldn’t be something that would be ‘conquered’ for love.


Implying that a woman who is plus-sized should feel lucky for getting a man to marry her is just wrong.


The marriage license application does not ask how much the bride or groom weighs. And unless her fiance gave her a ring and said, ‘you’ll get the other one when you’ve lost 30 kg’, there is no need to even doubt his motive because he loves her exactly as she is.


I recall a similar incident that happened not too long ago with one Mzznaki Tetteh, a nurse from Ghana whose engagement photographs went viral on several social media platforms after hundreds of people left mean-spirited comments aimed at her size.





She showed defiance by addressing the trolls directly, stating  that their ‘rubbish comments ain’t ruining my happiness’. But the truth is, not every plus-sized lady will be able to stand up for herself.


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Here’s my take: is she physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally healthy?


That is all you need to know if a woman is beautiful.


And if a man decides to marry a woman, irrespective of her size, would you please kindly shut up!


Fat-shaming her, especially when it is her wedding is just wrong! What makes you think the man is without fault just because he has what has been classified as the ‘normal’ weight, compared to the woman anyway?



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About The Author

Osigweh Lilian Oluchi is a graduate of the University of Lagos where she obtained a B.A (Hons) in English, Masters in Public and International affairs (MPIA). Currently works with 1stnews as a Database Manager / Writer. [email protected]

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