First off, I have to say that I am not really qualified to speak about the ongoing Season 5 of BBNaija.
This is because I am not what you would call an ardent follower. Mind you, this is not a judgment on ardent followers. I have small kids. It is hard to watch consistently enough without exposing the kids to it. I am not going to pretend that I think watching it is life damaging for kids. I just think that there are too many adult scenarios for kids to process.
In fact, I did watch BBNaija before I got married and even when my first child was a baby. I do get why people find it interesting. It is simply because the unscripted show sometimes pans out to be more interesting than scripted shows.
So, why am I writing about BBNaija when I don’t really watch?
I watch through social media. Everything seeps into social media. I find the many spirited conversations about the housemates very interesting.
So, Laycon and Kiddaway trended over the weekend in the BBNaija show. Love triangle par excellence.
LAYCON: THE WHITE ANGEL ON THE RIGHT SHOULDER.
On one side, you have the seemingly ordinary dude. He is not buff; actually quite skinny. We all know that skinny dudes have a hard time impressing girls with their ‘machismo’. He seems to be a bit of a nerd. He gets philosophical and can hold himself in conversations that range from shallow to deep end. Also, he is nice guy raised to the power of nice guy. He is ‘emoshunal’ and creative and introspective. He does not seem frivolous but he wears his heart on his sleeves.
KIDDWAYA: THE RED DEVIL WITH THE RED PITCH AND A FORKED TAIL ON THE LEFT SHOULDER
On the other side, you have Kiddwaya. The guy is TALL, DARK AND HANDSOME AND BEARDED. Need I say more? Okay, he seems to come from a wealthy home and speaks ‘spree spree’. He is muscled. Not just lean muscles but bulky, manly shoulders. His hands look like they can span most waists. He looks capable of flipping a well-sized woman on his shoulders as we all watch with envy; as he disappears into a cave with her. Envy because machismo says virility. Virility means he go sabi. Sabi wetin? Don’t ask me.
ALSO READ: BBNaija: Here is why Laycon is heartbroken
ERICA: THE BEAUTIFUL DAMSEL IN THE MIDDLE
Erica is this really pretty sweet smiling girl caught between the two guys in the BBNaija house. She claims she is ‘mentally attracted’ to Laycon. Whatever that means. And she is physically attracted to Kiddwaya. The big issue is that she keeps switching lights for both men. So, at some point in time, she has given each guy the greenlight.
This is such a classic triangle that we all know the end from the beginning. It is so clear for all of us that are watching. Kiddwaya and Erica seem to also understand what is going on. Laycon is the little angel that won’t give up even though we can clearly see the devil on the left shoulder is saying more interesting things.
Clearly, Laycon is a wise and safer option for Erica. He is what we girls pretend to be looking for; at least until we reach 30 and actually begin to look for such guys.
Laycon seems sincere. Genuine. He reeks of respect for her. He would clearly put her on a pedestal and worship her if she would let him. No other girl exists. He is the guy that will use his last card (money) on his girl and trek home. He is the sort that will show up at her house at 2am; simply because he couldn’t sleep because they had a fight. Laycon has a river of love for Erica to drink from and she will never be thirsty again.
“I just want to be treated like a princess”. So says every girl.
In print, Laycon looks fine. In actual fact, he is bloody annoying. Whining about love in our ears like a mosquito. Giving us all that attention and respect like he has nothing better to do.
Laycon seems like a one-man woman.
Who wants to be on a pedestal when she could be treated like the dirty girl she wants to be? Laycon is non-alcoholic juice. Sweet to swallow. Sickly when you have too much. Gives no high. Juice is safe. Laycon probably makes love (barfs).
Kiddwaya is serious liquor that packs a punch. In a short time, it makes you heady and excited. You are carefree and embrace fun without inhibitions. Kiddwaya is intoxicating. He promises to deliver on the bad boy bit. -He has never made love in his life. He gives it hot and hard. (I am sorry, my imagination is detty)
But Kiddwaya will not be faithful. It is not his fault. We can’t even be angry with him about that. There is enough man in him to go round, it would be sacrilege to have it caged.
Kiddwaya looks at every ass in that house that isn’t male. It is not something he thinks about. It is like we blink or even breathe… he can’t help it. This is why there is no pedestal for one female. All of you will be seated at his feet. He sits on the pedestal and women worship him.
In addition, Kiddwaya is not serious. He will be maybe sometime before he is 50. Any girl looking for happily ever after with him is delusional. He is the one good shag you need before you face life seriously.
Unfortunately, girls under 30 are arrogant. They think they have got the special kind of gold he needs in their canals. These girls don’t know life. They don’t know that down the line, a beard and some muscles and some coins will not mean much.
But once the female hits 30, she is clearer on whether to go for a snack or for a meal. When she finds love like the sort that Laycon is offering, she will grab it with both hands and nurture it.
The only problem is that herself and her friends of similar ilk damaged guys like Laycon because of superficial reasons. So, they rarely exist as the girls get older.
Kiddwaya will leave you with a hangover. You will be in disorientation and confusion land. It is not that deep with guys like him. They will chop and clean mouth.