Buy her shawarma before asking for sex — Peju Akande

Buy her shawarma before asking for sex — Peju Akande

What is the connection between shawarma and sex, you may ask.

I was on my way to the hospital to see mother when my car developed a fault. It was overheating. Strange considering we weren’t even in traffic.

Thankfully we had driven close to  the mechanic village where our mechanic had a shop. So, my driver suggested we branched for him to take a look. As soon as the mechanic lifted the bonnet filled with smoke, he exclaimed, loudly, “Ha mummy, your “jasket” could have been burnt o…”

Gafar, our mechanic, is fond of using words he has no business using. If it isn’t “jasket,” (Gasket) it is “boris” (ball joints) or “bushing” or words he knows mean absolutely nothing to me; except that he fixes it and the car functions well, again.

So, I sat at his workshop while he and my driver puttered over why the car was overheating. I got busy on my phone and blanked out the general mechanic village noise, which; if you are familiar with it, is boastful talk, lewd talk, oily talk and yabbing of the customers…Occasionally, they talk about their personal lives as well.

Soon, of course, an argument ensured among the mechanics as they tinkered with the different cars they were fixing.

An apprentice mechanic, apparently, had a new girlfriend. He always bought her shawarma or meat pie or suya whenever he visited her.

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This gift was precursor to him asking for sex.

His colleagues began to make fun of him; telling him he would run out of money soon if gifts always preceded sex.

They roared with laughter as word went round that this young apprentice was a novice at everything.

The others began to boast about their exploits in their younger years. They gave nothing and took it all and according to them, the girls begged for more. They called him mugu, they called him names, they even told him some smart guy who will give nothing would come along and snatch his girl from him.

 After a while, they began to call him “Shawarma.”

”Bring me that spanner, Shawarma…”

Thankfully, this young apprentice wasn’t to be cowered. He responded, “But I love her, I want to give her things even if I don’t do anything with her. I saw the way my father treated my mother. I want to do the same.”

There was a quietness among the mechanics…

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A few sniggered but held their tongue from anything nasty.

One or two said, “Ha, no wonder…”

And in no time, the story changed.

“Yeah, it’s true, some women deserve that kind of care…but some are just crazy!”

“Yes, o. me, I may not buy anything for my wife but I bathe, remove all the grime and dirt on my body before approaching my wife…, at least that is also part of giving her shawarma, too.”

“Me, I buy suya and ice cream for my wife…you have to appreciate your woman…giving birth to children isn’t easy.”

“Yes, o. women are trying, if you find a good one, take care of her…”

I didn’t want to act like I heard all they were saying. But one thing hit me; the apprentice’s father must be known to all of them.

The apprentice’s father must be someone they respect and dare not say anything to tarnish him.

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The man must be someone they want to emulate and all because his son saw him act lovingly towards his mother. So, the boy wants the same kind of relationship for himself and so, began to do likewise.

I was very impressed.

This isn’t saying all a woman wants is gifts. It’s just the thought behind it. That, at the end of the day, a husband comes home with one thing for his wife, may not be material, may just be a clean body; like the one who says he bathes to ensure he is clean before “meeting” his wife.

Being in a relationship is two ways: give and take. The woman will hardly feel she is taken for granted when she sees her husband coming home with something for her. She, in turn…hopefully will ensure he comes to a peaceful and loving home.

Yes, I was in the mechanic village. But one lesson came through for me. It takes just one man to change a village. The man didn’t have to keep telling his son to do things in a particular way. He simply showed the boy…Here’s how to treat a woman you love and that’s changing the story.

Though I strongly suspect the mechanics who recanted their acts are lying; but I suspect also that going forward; they would try buying “shawarma” on their way home to their wives, even if it’s not for sex.

Post script:

The apprentice’s father is a popular welder in the area.

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