Calling off a wedding isn’t what women do – Peju Akande

Calling off a wedding isn’t what women do – Peju Akande

 

 

“She called off the wedding!”

 

 

“Ewo!”

 

 

“Has she lost her mind ni?”

 

 

“After all the preparations, the aso ebi, the wedding gifts, the caterers, the musician…”

 

 

“Money has been spent!”

 

 

“And she called off the wedding!”

 

 

“Where will her mother put her face after all that noise about her daughter getting married?”

 

 

What will happen to the cows they have bought and the hundreds of branded souvenirs”?

 

 

“Village people things!”

 

 

I listened as this convo went on between two women who didn’t invite me into it…Okay, I eavesdropped! I’ve no idea who the bride is, nor her mother, nor the groom…I just know two women were scandalized that a young lady dared to call off a wedding just a few days before the event.

 

However, I know though, that women don’t typically call off their own weddings; at least not around here.

 

She is looking forward to her wedding day. She is the envy of her unmarried friends. Her family have spent money, time, energy for virtually everything; from souvenirs to aso-ebi, from wedding gowns/ suit for groom; rings to hall or venue; from décor to small chops and other stuff paid for…These are enough burden to prevent any woman from just walking off because of…

 

 

But this young lady is reported to have walked off!

 

ALSO READ: Why do women deny their husbands sex? – Peju Akande

 

 

This anonymous bride reminds me of the final words of another young woman who called off her own wedding, just two days before the event. She’s Ozioma Helen and I’m pretty sure her story is not new to most of us who closely followed Osinachi Nwachukwu’s death, said to have been because of domestic violence.

 

A few days after the much talked about cause of Osinachi’s death from domestic violence; Ozioma Helen borrowed herself brain and took to her Facebook page not just to accuse her fiancé of domestic violence; but to call off the wedding billed to take place a few days ahead.

 

 

Ozioma Helen accused David Okike, her fiancé of always beating her; in fact, so graphic was her allegation that more than a few people clapped at her decision to walk away!

 

 

 

She said, “My supposed husband is full of rage. Beating me with his belt, stick, broom is his daily routine. Many atimes, he had lifted his hammer on me (but I fled).”

 

 

I am personally glad she fled. Though her fiancé also came out to refute the domestic violence allegations; instead stating that she aborted three pregnancies without his knowledge.

 

How lame!

 

Ozioma went on later to reply to the abortion allegations saying; “Even when I took in, I would tell him to give me even if it’s a little space like a month before intercourse; so that I wouldn’t miscarry but he won’t (listen). Rather he would argue with me and end up beating me.

 

 

“He practically caused all the miscarriages I went through by his beating and not even having a common self-control. It was never an abortion. They were (two) miscarriages,” she said.

 

 

I started by saying women typically do not call off their own weddings but more and more; we see, the typical woman isn’t typical anymore!

 

 

I know more than a few aunties would have tried to intervene by telling the two brides discussed above not to bring shame to the family by calling off a wedding everyone was looking forward to.

 

ALSO READ: My son, marriage is serious business by Peju Akande

 

 

They would have cried and begged the young ladies that these were “typical ways of men.’

 

 

They would have told them stupid stories like, “…my husband beat me many times and I am still with him. Today, we have grandkids…”

 

 

Or “…even if you find your husband on top of another woman, just close the door and let him explain himself!”

 

 

They would guilt trip the young women back to relationships that will fall apart three months after the wedding.

 

 

What am I saying here?

 

 

Our young women are no longer typical. They are daily being emboldened by what they hear and see and in years to come; we will see more and more of this.

 

It will be a good thing if the reasons for calling off the wedding is like Helen Ozioma’s example: domestic violence. I think David Okike should thank Helen for calling off the wedding. She just saved him a lifetime of jail…Their union will likely degenerate to him killing her one day at the rate at which she described Okike’s love for violence.

 

Though Okike claimed to love Helen, he is yet to realise that beating a woman you claim you love to the point of three miscarriages is equivalent to taking her life three times over!

ALSO READ: Lessons from Don Jazzy and his failed marriage – Peju Akande

 

 

Let’s assume as David said, she aborted the pregnancies. It only goes to show she had made up her mind long before now to leave. She didn’t want anything to tie her to David.

 

 

But these are just conjectures.

 

Post script: the anonymous bride returned some of the gifts she had already received; got back half of the money paid to caterers, musicians and hall décor merchants, even the wedding gown. Her reason for calling off?

 

 

She felt she was “being rushed.”

 

 

Don’t ask me who was rushing her or why she felt rushed to what. I just wondered to myself, “why not take it slow?” I’m told she just wanted out!

 

For me, it’s a perfect enough reason…Marriage is a lifelong commitment. If they are rushing you, pull the brakes. It’s your marriage after all.

About The Author

Osigweh Lilian Oluchi is a graduate of the University of Lagos where she obtained a B.A (Hons) in English, Masters in Public and International affairs (MPIA). Currently works with 1stnews as a Database Manager / Writer. [email protected]

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