Can relationships end without being messy? – Abiodun Kuforiji-Nkwocha

Can relationships end without being messy? – Abiodun Kuforiji-Nkwocha



Some relationships are not meant to be for a lifetime. Understanding this is very key to avoid needless drama.



Recently, information came my way about a friend. Let’s call her Miss J. I wasn’t sure how to approach it. So, I called a mutual friend with this information since that mutual friend, to be fair, had always been very close to the person in question.



To my shock, the mutual friend said: “We are no longer friends with Miss J. I no longer have her contact, I deleted it. I have blocked her on all social media. I saw her on the road the other and I didn’t acknowledge her because I am done with her.”




Well, I was taken aback because I don’t think I have ever consciously deleted a friend from my life like that. I am not that resolute on such matters. I am the sort of person that will hold on till there is nothing left. And even then, I probably will not renounce the friendship. I will just say we drifted apart.

ALSO READ: Is monogamy dead? – Abiodun Nkwocha



I am sentimental like that. In fact, I know that relationships end but I hate endings.


I was watching the latest drama between Korra and her husband. She accused him of taking money she mistakenly put in their joint account. But he said it was a mistake and she tried to prove that it wasn’t.


I just felt sad.


I hate it when it gets to this.


When there has been love and closeness and a falling out occurs, things can get ugly.


Where was the man that dropped down on one knee to ask the girl to be in his life forever?


Where is the woman who held her hand over her mouth jumping in excitement before she extended her hand for him to put the ring?


How does so much love come to so much hate?


I have watched relationships break down and a couple separate and go through divorce proceedings. I can say that some of the most heartbreaking things occur during divorce.


Surprisingly, I listened to this couple hurl insults and swear words at each other. Using information that was whispered in confidence to attack and hurt each other.


The saddest thing is when kids are involved. These kids now become pawns as the parents do their best to hurt each other using their attachment to their children.


I know of a man that had signed on an apartment for the wife he was leaving because he wanted her out of the house. He tricked her with this and tried to get her to take over the lease; knowing very well she wasn’t working. She wasn’t working because he had asked her not to. He was rich enough to care for them.


ALSO READ: Dear woman, get rid of time wasters – Abiodun Kuforiji-Nkwocha



So, he got her to move out because he deliberately defaulted on the rent of where they were staying. He paid for a couple of months for her in the new place and then started defaulting.



She was living there in fear during COVID with three children and the threat of eviction. He did everything to get her kicked out. He did this while staying in a luxury apartment. It was the moratorium on rent that helped her.



So, I wondered, how does it get to this? Living and loving your family to hating the sight of the other person to the point of doing things to the detriment of your kids just so that the person you once loved but now hate will suffer pain.




I know of a lady who would deny her baby daddy seeing his child (his only child); but would demand for money from him. He tried to coerce her to let him see this child. He had even travelled abroad and shopped for the child. She was too angry that he refused to marry her. She stopped him from seeing the child. He started documenting all their correspondence for the day that this child will wonder and ask him why he was never a part of her life.



There are people that will run down an ex in front of the kids. They will fight physically while the kids are crying and begging them to stop.



Why is it so hard to let go with ill-feelings?


ALSO READ: Yul Edochie: Dear women, be selfish – Abiodun Kuforiji-Nkwocha



Why is it hard to accept that some things do come to an end? Or that we can make it easier by doing all we can to be amicable?



I think one reason we feel bitter about broken relationships or moving on is because how much we give up or put up with to be with someone. And them just upping to leave is a devastating blow to us. So, we fight just to make it hard for them.



Unless a partner is obviously a danger to a child, I don’t understand why people will punish a partner by taking a child away. Based on what FFK’s wife says, he has limited her contact with her three kids. I don’t know what is true or not. But how is it in the best interest of a child or children to be separated like this?



While breakups hurt, nobody truly owns anyone. People have the agency to leave irrespective of what they have taken from you.



How do we mitigate all the bitterness?



How do we make the ending easy for everyone?



I feel very sad at what is happening between Korra and her husband. It is the worst-case scenario of relationships falling apart.



You wonder if there was ever love to start with.



Endings can be inevitable.



I just wish there was a way to look for the easiest possible way for people to walk away without drama.

About The Author

Osigweh Lilian Oluchi is a graduate of the University of Lagos where she obtained a B.A (Hons) in English, Masters in Public and International affairs (MPIA). Currently works with 1stnews as a Database Manager / Writer. [email protected]

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