Chai, Naija men have problems o – Lucia Edafioka

Chai, Naija men have problems o – Lucia Edafioka

So, last week I was at a wedding, minding my business (as usual) when a man came to talk to me. The conversation went like so:

Man: Ah, you are so beautiful

Me: *amused* I know

Man: *frowns* That is rude, you should say thank you

Me: Why?

Man: because I gave you a compliment, and courtesy DEMANDS that you say thank you

Me: *still amused* But did I ask you to give me a compliment?

Man: This rotten attitude is why you are not married! Continue doing bridesmaid for your friends o.

Actually he said more words that should have been insults but I stuck my tongue out at him, laughing. I wasn’t offended at all.

Let me give you a little more background to this story. It happened at one of my closest friends’ wedding. I was her Chief so naturally I looked even FINER than usual. You know? The hair, the dress, the make-up? I knew I was slaying, so no thanks.

Thing is I would have just said thanks then shoo him away but I wasn’t in the mood.

My friend’s wedding had gone a little out of control; too many guests, too little seats. I and other bridesmaids had to run around trying to rent more chairs and get guests seated. It was during that hassle that this man picked to give me compliments.

Why do Nigerian men feel so entitled to a woman’s attention? This man wanted me to stop all I was doing because he had a compliment to give me.

Nigerian men want you to stay humble, do not say you are beautiful without their consent, how dare you? They must be the ones to give you compliments and you must respond shyly, smile, bat your lashes and say ‘thank you, sah’ because Mr Courtesy demands it.

We have seen how, on social media, they managed to turn the word ‘Slay Queen’- a group of women who acknowledged their beauty without waiting for men- to something derogatory. It was so amusing to watch.

If a girl dresses up, puts up her own photos on social media they now refer to her as a slay Queen, slay mama, which could also mean a runs girl. Hilarious.

Let’s go back to the wedding. I had totally forgotten about Mr Courtesy and his demands, the wedding was almost over, many guests had left and then guess who was in my face again? This same man.

He returned to add more insults. “Come, do you know who I am? Do you think you are the finest girl here? Because I chose to give you a compliment you are now rude to me? Do you know what I can do for you?”

Now his voice has reached a pitch as though he wanted to cry. He was so angry. I kept moving back because spittle was flying out of his mouth. A younger me would have coddled him, apologized and maybe given him my number, but nope.

If my friends had not come to my aid this man would have gone physically violent with me. People kept asking me what happened, what did I do or say to him to make him so angry?

I was so stunned.

Nigerian men and their fragile egos sha, same men who are always boasting about being the superior gender, small “I know I am beautiful” and this one wants to cry?


*claps hand dramatically* till scene fades.

photo credit

photo credit

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About The Author

Osigweh Lilian Oluchi is a graduate of the University of Lagos where she obtained a B.A (Hons) in English, Masters in Public and International affairs (MPIA). Currently works with 1stnews as a Database Manager / Writer. [email protected]

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