Dear men, most women lie to you about sex – Abiodun Nkwocha

Dear men, most women lie to you about sex – Abiodun Nkwocha



So, I get small mind today and I want to talk about sex.


Well, more precisely, sexual satisfaction. I can even narrow it down a bit to female sexual satisfaction.


One of the best things about being a married woman is that you have small license to talk about sex without a lot of judgment. If I was a female preacher, then I would be hailed even more. Sex within the context of marriages and religion is probably the only way Nigerians of a certain demographic will openly tolerate sex talk.



But I must be careful here.



Because if I overtalk, then people will still classify me as shameless.



That is the fun thing about talking about such topics in Nigeria. Okay for just a little but don’t overdo or you are shameless.


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A whole Nigeria o. With over 200million people. All products of sex. Well except for IVF’s and Intrauterine Insemination. And while that population is growing daily, it is still small. Most of us are here because someone’s penis entered someone’s vagina and fertilization occurred. But because we all cover our privates with clothes, it is not that easy to talk about things.


Dear men, most women lie to you about sex – Abiodun Nkwocha



As you can see, I am still perambulating.



Okay. Let me go down to it.


I don’t have the statistics. But I can project with some degree of certainty that a lot of women don’t enjoy sex like they pretend to. I don’t think I am wrong about this.



I got married a virgin. I was also over 30. Nothing could have lived up to the fantasies I had created in my head for a very long time. First time was not spectacular. But with time and a partner that is open to explore and please, I can confidently say that sex isn’t overrated. When done right, you will understand why some people make it the sole thing they chase with a passion.



I was talking to several friends and I was stunned to find that many married women are not achieving orgasms. Many women fake it. Few people talk about it. You don’t want to be thought of as defective. You also don’t want to make your man feel as though he doesn’t hit it right.



 So, you manage for as long as you can. Then you begin to dramatically make some noise and pretend you have come so that everybody can relax.


I saw an American Twitter trend where a lot of women talked about how much of a disappointment sex mostly is. Someone said it was wanting to sneeze so badly but the sneeze disappears at the nick of time. Or having an itch in a place that you can’t quite reach, despite best efforts.


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It got me thinking.



If I did a questionnaire and made it anonymous, women will admit to sex being a letdown.



But the funny unfunny thing is that if you ask the men, no man thinks he is wack in bed. Of course, there are exceptions. Men with minuscule penis’ (which I totally do not judge – we did not make ourselves). Or men with obvious premature ejaculation. Men with erectile dysfunction, etc.



Most men that can get hard and keep it up think they have what it takes. Some men think that getting a woman wet initially guarantees her enjoyment.  To make it worse, so many women are out there faking it just so that the men’s egos are protected.




Dear men, most women lie to you about sex – Abiodun Nkwocha



Dear men, I am not trying to create any insecurity o. Ask the women in your life pertinent questions.


‘‘Baby, did you cum?’’


But don’t ask without truly desiring honesty.


‘‘I won’t get mad, babe. Tell me if you truly came.’’


And then listen to what she says.

But not so that you think that she is frigid or not wired properly. No. That isn’t progress. No one is trying to blame anyone. If what you did did not work, then you humbly go back to the drawing board and try to understand her wiring.


You want to have a good time with someone who is having a good time.


Remove from your head that penetration and pounding is the key. It isn’t for a lot of women. Foreplay has been talked about a lot. But indiscriminately stabbing a woman’s vagina with your finger or pulling her nipples so hard they want to run away is not it.


There are so many things out there designed to assist. Is the problem vaginal dryness? Lube exists. There is also so much reading material. Learn about G-spots and surprisingly erotic places on the woman’s body. Men are not like women. For men, the manual is pretty easy. For women, no one prototype is the same as another. Take time to understand you woman’s body. Be open minded.


Did you hear me?


Be open minded.


Try a vibrator. Don’t be scared that it is not a motion you can mimic. It is not a competition. You administering pleasure to your partner via any tool is shared intimacy. It is not replacing you. Any woman can squirt. There are so many planes to orgasms. Discover them together.


Lack of sexual satisfaction is one reason you will have unhappiness in your home. You may think that you are doing everything to provide and care for your family. But that one area –  sex –  will throw a shadow on the others.


When your woman steps out once and gets it good somewhere else, you have lost her.


But if you get it right, even if you are nonsense in other areas; that woman will not let you go anywhere.


Once again women, stop lying.


Don’t wait till you people fight before you tell them the truth about how they were bad in bed.


Tell the truth. Let it set your orgasm free.


Life is too long to not have really good sexual reprieve from time to time.


Okay o. Everybody: back to church face.

About The Author

Osigweh Lilian Oluchi is a graduate of the University of Lagos where she obtained a B.A (Hons) in English, Masters in Public and International affairs (MPIA). Currently works with 1stnews as a Database Manager / Writer. [email protected]

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