There was a hot debate on Facebook last week concerning single women. I don’t know what started it. However, I gathered it was about single women who visit men and refuse to show they are worthy to be married by cleaning up the place if they meet it dirty.
I read some serious old school opinions (if I am calling something old school, then know it is positively ancient) that single women who had no home training refuse to clean up their boyfriend’s place, wash his clothes, cook for him et al. And such women should consider themselves unwifeable.
Considering this opinion was coming from men long married or of a certain generation, I found it laughable. They know nothing, and know not that they are ignorant.
What worked for your mother’s mother is not what is obtainable today. Open up to the times. Study what goes on today. Stop giving advice that is redundant.
A lot of single women have found themselves confused and depressed and even hurting. They have tried everything to be wifeable. Yet, they are still single.
My dear single sister, the rules don’t work anymore. You know the rules I am talking about? The ones that were drummed into our heads since the nurse peeked at our genitalia and told our mothers: “It’s a girl.”
We were told that we had to know how to cook and clean or we would be of no use to men.
We were told not to outshine men or they would be too intimidated to approach us. This was why some of us did not buy cars even when we could have afforded one.
We were told that men do not like too much make-up and clothing that is revealing. They may like this with a girl they intend to have sex with and dump but their wives must be decent.
We were told that we had to be soft-spoken and to temper down our opinions. The men must be the sharpest in the room. A woman that is too confident emasculates men, and no man wants a woman so strong that he cannot control.
We were told to be virgins because a woman who has had sex is reduced in value. It is like we are one giant tin of Milo beverage. Who would pay full price for an opened tin? We were told that abortions were the sole cause of infertility; also, that having a child out of wedlock would confirm our singleness forever.
We were told to be prayerful and full of piety. The height of your wifeability lies in how close you are to God. Men love women who can solve all their problems by speaking to God daily.
We were told not to go for our Masters and Ph.Ds till we had found husbands. Because, of course, anything that intimidates a man affects wifeability. A lot of our mothers finished their schooling while married, and our fathers were like our mothers’ fathers because they sponsored their education.
We were told that having a lot of money/success reduced how attractive we were to men.
We were told that we were nothing if we were not married to men.
We were told that we should not work in bars, hotels, airlines and other jobs that meant interaction with a lot of men. Or not to rent an apartment of our own while still single. This automatically meant that we would be promiscuous.
So we listened to what we were told.
Imagine our shock in adulthood when we found that a lot of these things were only true for a certain generation of men.
Imagine how stunned we were when the girls we considered sluts when we were in universities were the first to get married.
Oh, imagine how our mouths dropped when the girl that had three abortions that we knew of was happily married with five children.
Imagine the rude shock when our school fellowship pastor married a slay, acrylic queen who had spent her four years in school clubbing.
Imagine the betrayal we felt when the men we slaved after, washed their clothes, showed them we were great cooks and fussed over for six years dumped us to marry that girl that would scrunch her nostrils at their dirty houses and who often demanded take-aways and suya.
Also, imagine the annoyance of containing our ambition as we were taught from primary school but watched our menfolk marry the banker, the girl in telecoms, the oil company girl, the one with the big fashion store…
And imagine the chills on our body when the most eligible man in our area married the girl that had been nicknamed ‘dadin kowa’ (everybody’s enjoyment) because she spent more time being spread-eagled than walking straight.
Dear single woman: walahi, the rules have changed.
The men of today are not like the men we used to have. They are not looking for their mothers to marry. They are not looking for laundry mats (not at the initial stage sha).
The today man did not come to go and kill himself.
Are you with me, young ladies?
He is not looking for a liability. While you are looking for someone to come and carry all your burdens, the men are looking for someone to come and ‘epp them as well.
I have never met any man that is dreaming of how he can change the life of poverty of any woman.
The today man is not looking for a dowdy pious wife.
Forget what they say, they like the artificial girl that has her nails done, is wearing 40 inches lace front, the one with the big fake nyash and seven-inch thick makeup.
They want women who can pay the school fees. They want women that can ensure that they have a life of luxury.
The today man will keep all godliness and religion aside to get a woman that can make his penis leap for joy. Have you noticed that men of God do not marry women with only inner beauty? They will go out of their tongue-speaking congregation and go and find a woman in the club; meanwhile Sister Dumebi is speaking in tongues with a dry mouth, and askew scarf, and a severe spiritual facial expression that will make even demons run away, not to talk of mere men.
Girls that don’t cook order for soup they saw displayed on the Instagram page of @aromaarena. They will order for cakes and salad from @bunchidikitchen. They will outsource everything they need to outsource; and even things that they can do, they will choose not to.
The era of suffer-head wife material is over.
Don’t go and kee yourself because these men will not marry you, even if you dropped from heaven with a referral from the Heavenly Father himself. The scientific formula that leads to wifehood is more complex than it used to be.
Build your worth: financial and self-worth. Love yourself. Pursue the things that you love. Improve yourself. You may still not find Prince Charming but, at least you are not cooking and slaving for idiot boys upandan and getting disappointed.
It is not a crime to be single.
But to be single and mumu is a chronic disease you must avoid.