A huge part of single life is wondering who you will choose to spend life with, especially if you are woman and getting on age-wise.
I know that in the times we live in, a lot of people are choosing to stay single and unencumbered. Some because they have truly reached a point in their lives where they know that they are ‘enough’ for themselves.
For others, having waited a while, they give up or begin to prepare themselves for it never happening. Never finding that one person special enough to commit to. Or it may even be the other way round. No one found you.
I am old and cynical enough to not believe that there is someone for everyone. I also believe that there is a window within which it is the easiest to agree to bond with someone else. Outside that window, things are harder.
There are some timewasters that steal this window from you and leave you high and dry.
If you desire a fruitful relationship, you must learn to read the signs of a time waster. To know early as a woman if a guy is worth all the holding on.
So yours truly drew out points to help you know when to throw a fish back to the pond.
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Do not be too taken by the initial chase. That stage is confusing for most women. A man in pursuit of something will consume your every moment. Women make the mistake of clinging on to this as a sign of true love. During the pursuit, don’t lose your head. This point is more of a what-not-to-do to see clearly.
Most guys expect sex in a relationship. If a man begins to subtly coerce you to have sex. Or even gives the absence of sex as a deal breaker, my sister, do not make the mistake of thinking that getting involved sexually means he is into you. As a matter of fact, a man that will hold out till you are ready is a much better bet for a lasting relationship. If he is into you, he will wait.
When a woman is into a guy, she projects her feelings on him. It is hard to accept that the intensity of feeling is not shared. So, regardless of what you feel, try and be practical. Does he make effort to be with you? Are you the only one asking for the two of you to spend time together? Does he communicate constantly with you? I am not saying he should be a stalker. But a dude that is into you will consume your space. He should text you back. He should call you back. Don’t console yourself with his sweet talk or excuses. Sis, read the actions. They never lie.
Time wasters never have a concrete plan. After you have dated a guy a while, you should know the direction the relationship is headed. Dear woman, don’t wait for three years to begin to ask what the next stage is. Six months into dating a guy exclusively is enough time to want to explore the possibility of a future. He should be on the same page with you. If he is not and can’t say anything concrete, it might be wise to halt things. Six months is enough to know if you can share a life with a person. I am not saying you should be engaged at six months. Just feel out to see if you guys are thinking in the same direction.
Never ever agree to be a secret in a relationship. If the man is not eager to show you off to his circle or even meet with people in your circle, be uneasy. I am not talking about day two in a relationship. Let’s say you are a year in and yet people do not really know you are together. In the name of not wanting to broadcast through social media, a lot of men have kept a woman in limbo and vice versa. If he is not a celebrity, who is he hiding you from?
Be circumspect of a guy that keeps his money to his chest. You are not a gold digger, of course. But a year into a relationship and you cannot point out one thing he went out of his way to do for you money-wise is not a good sign. A man almost always spends on the woman he wants to be with. He might not be into you but is with you for something that he benefits. We have seen men in relationships with women that have money. They take this money and go and spend it on the women they really want. My sister, you must see his kobo or there is a problem.
I should say that gut instinct is important. Your heart can be whimsical and override all your doubts. But as a woman, always listen to your gut instinct. If you feel unsettled in a relationship, then it is time to evaluate things. Life is too short to give time to someone who is bidding time with you.
Stay safe, people.
Take the vaccination.
Wear your mask.
Avoid large crowds.
We shall beat this pandemic.