Do you have Intimacy Issues?

Do you have Intimacy Issues?

 

At times, we aren’t even aware that we bare the signs the of intimacy issues.

 

We are often so involved in other aspects of our lives, we tend to forget to attend to our partner’s need. May it be work or career, anger issues or fear of not being enough.

 

Come what may, we needn’t ignore these signs, but how to be sure that we truly have intimacy issues with our partner or intimacy issue in general.

 

Fear of intimacy is common and understandable, but not doing anything about it might just wreck your relationship.

 

Here’s a list of silent signs you may have or noticed in your partner that prove you and they are dealing with intimacy issues and you need to help them or yourselves out!

 

 

1)    Anger

You just can’t seem to be calm about anything. Every little thing pisses you off and makes you angry unnecessarily. A deep, subconscious fear of intimacy can rear its ugly head, showing up in response to a relationship that is becoming uncomfortably close, and one way this fear can manifest is via anger.

 

2)    You’re sexually immature

Maybe you love sex, but can’t connect with your partner during the act—ever. If so, your intimacy issues may be fostering a level of sexual immaturity, which has nothing to do with your age. Sexual immaturity can show up as an excessive interest in porn, or in sex acts, as opposed to making love. Sexually immature individuals may also insist upon using toys, or the accoutrements of sex, rather than concentrating on their partner. It includes inattention to the other’s needs, and sole concentration on their own need for sexual release, or gratification

 

3)    Past 

If looking back yields nothing but a steady stream of relationships that didn’t work out, your fear of intimacy may be to blame. It can be agonizing trying to find a negative pattern in your own behaviour, but find it you must, if you’re ever going to break free!

 

 

ALSO READ: Women: Infidelity and other myths

 

 

4)    You’re only physically present

You can share a home and still have intimacy issues. Maybe it’s the television set which is always on, even during dinner, or the video games you play incessantly on your own, in the basement. You don’t have to be attached to your partner at the hip, but if you never take the time to talk to each other, fear of intimacy may be the reason why.

 

5)    Not being able to trust

We all want to be loved, warts and all, but that takes trust, and the ability to risk rejection. People in relationships are constantly asking themselves, in one way or another, if they can trust the other person. Can they show their flaws, or risk being embarrassed? The way to move past this fear is to take measured risks. Being loved for who you really are is an incredible gift, but you have to show your partner the real you if it’s ever going to happen.

 

6)    You’re constantly wearing a mask

Maybe you’re an unending perfectionist, and it’s ruining your life, or maybe, you’re afraid to take your mask off and show fear, worry, or concern. People who avoid intimacy, want to be perceived by others as always being in a good mood, and never getting angry, or upset about anything. By forcing this positivity all the time, you’re not sharing empathy, and therefore, avoiding deep connections with others.

 

7)    Lack of confidence

If you’re not comfortable in your own skin, it’s hard to let someone else in. The ability to be intimate with another, results from a personal sense of confidence, and balanced self-esteem. This is something your partner may be able to help you with if you’re willing to be vulnerable and ask them for their help.

 

8)    Married to your job

Being a workaholic is not a badge of honour, but rather, may be a powerful sign of emotional intimacy issues. Worse, long hours can be hard on your physical health. When we bury ourselves in busy work, it might be because we are unconsciously avoiding intimacy. Many people who avoid intimacy do so because they are trying to dodge feelings of sadness, shame, or anger. By staying busy all the time, you can easily ignore those feelings, and avoid having to deal with them.

About The Author

Osigweh Lilian Oluchi is a graduate of the University of Lagos where she obtained a B.A (Hons) in English, Masters in Public and International affairs (MPIA). Currently works with 1stnews as a Database Manager / Writer. [email protected]

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