Dear Government, I hope this letter meets you well. Well, I can hope all I want but we all know that all is not well with you at the moment, especially with the raging #EndSARS movement and all.
I considered a hifalutin salutation, you know; calling you all Distinguished Excellencies and observing the due protocol that comes with addressing you all.
However, I thought about it and then I discarded it.
I considered it because heaping praises on you and alluding respect is very important to you. You are our ‘elders’. You like to be revered and deferred to. If I start out by saying nice things to you; you would be better disposed to read what I write favourably.
But I changed my mind.
This is because decades of respect. Of genuflecting. Of ‘all protocols duly observed’. All of that has never improved where we are as a nation.
Respecting you all makes no difference.
This does not mean I am about to be disrespectful. It just means I am going to cut out unnecessary bullshit.
Besides, none of your titles and deservedness for respect has changed anything in the last 10days. The people on the streets calling for #EndSARS are tired of respect that is not reciprocated. They are tired of giving and not getting anything in return. They won’t give you respect because you are older or in power.
I know that it hurts.
I know how much respect means to you. But it would be wise not to seek respect at a moment like this. You can get that easily from your children and employees. Make do.
I kind of feel for you all. Indeed, these #EndSARS periods are trying times. Your ‘nyash’ (pardon the vulgarity) has been spread wide open by the young adults protesting. In fact, you can feel their fingers digging painfully in your butt cheeks and the breeze is hitting that spot that usually remains hidden. That spot that the toilet alone usually has the task of gazing at.
The whole world can see your asshole. Again, pardon my gutter language. This is a fire analogy.
So yes, your asshole is puckered and staring at the world. What is embarrassing for you is that you never even had time to wipe it up. Not only can everyone see the shit, we can also smell it.
Let’s face it, buttholes are not pretty. Notoriously hard to keep clean. Keeping that area nice and clean is not a one-time job. It is continuous cleaning.
Something you failed to do. Because we all pretended you did not have an asshole, you kind of neglected taking care of it.
But your young have exposed it. They have refused to let go.
None of your pretty words are working in ameliorating the #EndSARS agitations. None of your promises matter.
We all see your words and deliberate inaction as simply desperate actions to get them to release your ass so that you can quickly belt up and resume your questionable hygiene.
Granted, the job of cleaning up for you is an uphill task. But that may be your only option this time around.
I am feeling for you. It is not comfortable for me to keep seeing you in such an undignified manner. So I just want to give you my two cents on what to do on this #EndSARS matter.
- You must sack the Inspector General of Police. This is the only gesture strong enough to shake people enough to believe that you are sincere about solving this situation. What are you waiting for? Someone must be thrown under the bus. He is perfect. This is because of the massive fracture under his watch.
- You must acknowledge every person that lost their life because of these killers. There are lists. Do a quick fact finding to confirm and then begin massive PR visits and disbursement of compensation. You must give them public apologies over your failure to serve and protect.
- Fast tract a very public tribunal. We must see the faces of the killers. We must see them answer to their crimes. In fact, we must see them punished. We want it televised. We want to know their names.
- You must work quickly to improve the welfare of the police. For crying out loud, this is a national security situation. How we can entrust our security to hungry men and women who live in derelict abandoned facilities? How do we give AK47s to men who are underpaid? You need to increase their salaries and improve their all-round welfare. That is, after sacking the bad eggs. Don’t begin to tell us how much it takes to change things. No one is listening. You have the power, use it.
- On no account must you go ahead with the use of soldiers to quell these PEACEFUL protests. The world is watching. They are not hurting anyone. Just small inconveniences here and there. They are not looting, destroying, littering and killing. They are simply carrying placards and chanting. If you do this act of war on your youth, posterity will never forgive you.
- Stop looking for a leader to victimize or bribe. This protest has no leader. No one is speaking for all. The demands are public. No one has the power to say “Stop protesting” and all the people will listen and go back home. No one.
I am stopping here. The truth is that the management of the #EndSARS agitation is your altar call. Will you remain in sin or become born again? Rest assured, it is no longer business as usual. PDP is not sponsoring this and there is no Fani Kayode or Fayose or Olisa Metu to arrest. Allow yourself to be corrected.
Thank you for reading my letter.
But even with this raging #EndSARS protest, you will probably refuse to hear word.