So last week when we talked about Plan B, there was a very teeny weeny, perhaps inconsequential but of the puzzle that I forgot to add, and maybe that prevented everything from falling nicely into place as it ought to.
Isn’t it ironic that for a country where our very own President has a Plan B – Z; citizens of the country are online writing long epistles trying to dissuade themselves from at least thinking worst-case scenario; as far as the Nigerian experiment is concerned?
I mean, as much as I have butted heads with IPOBians and the Chief Igbrew himself, Supreme Abiama Nnamdi Kanu; you have to give it to them for having a Plan B and sticking to it; no matter what the nay sayers may feel.
Being President of Nigeria for instance, was somebody’s Plan B. It wasn’t his first choice. That much even the unseeing, unhearing and unspeaking amongst us can testify to. I think that by the time the coalition of the Jagaban-dits had figured out that the best way to wrest power from the rest of Nigeria was to introduce the Northern cult figure element; Buhari had had enough of us all.
He had tried and been roundly rejected three times. He had even thrown a min- tantrum and wept openly the last time he had lost. But Nigerians were like that first time mom reading from the books written by hustlers, on how to raise a child.
“Ignore tantrums and they will soon wear themselves out”.
And so he had resigned himself to a life of retirement in Nigeria with his perennial “150” cows; just living a sedentary life and waiting for his passing to be given a befitting state burial; when the jagaban-dit just popped out of the woodworks and started singing the “change mantra” to him.
So reluctantly, Baba had to abandon his Plan A and begin to pursue Plan B. The ruining of Nigeria through personal (mal)administration.
*in Osinbajo’s voice* and this is why we are where we were, today.
It wasn’t a well thought out or planned for Plan B. It was a “we will wing it and see how far we can get” Plan B; very much like the ones who climb into an aircraft’s underbelly in a bid to escape to the abroading that way, or attempt the desert crossing trip via Morocco and Spain, in search of greener pastures in the western world.
Ventures that we all already know would definitely end in premium tears because, well… poor planning.
That was where we found ourselves.
With someone for whom the administration of a migraine-inducing country like Nigeria, with its myriad problems, was a pandemic on its own. He was unprepared for this. It was unplanned-for chaos.
What to do?
Activate Plan C..
Create your base in a London hospital. Then proceed to look in on Nigeria once in a while; just to make sure that all the different warring factions therein had not fully succeeded in killing themselves. Plan C was fully activated and all was going to plan until COVID happened and forced everyone to sit at home and commit their fate into the hands of God, like every other average Nigerian does when an ailment befalls them.
It was a very difficult, uphill task. Trust me. But the Nigerian President actually managed to sit down in his country and passively observe; while the country proceeded to run itself for almost one full year. All he could do within that period was issue his condolence messages to other world leaders; adjust his knee pads to enable the begging for vaccine giveaways; proceed at high levels when those other countries that think the seat of Presidency should be occupied by a workaholic drone, to finish all their work.
Now, pandemic is almost over, travel restrictions are off the airwaves and Ajala, sorry… Buhari, continued his gallivanting; even though he unfortunately overlooked one part – that the Nigerians in the abroading (UK branch); who have had to support relatives and friends dealing with the pandemic and the fall-outs of the global scourge, were not going to find the idea of a sitting President flocking to a foreign hospital while his constituents survived by the “grace of God”, funny.
So, they changed it for him.
Even erstwhile allies turned on the President and made the United Kingdom so uncomfortable for him that he allegedly left earlier than planned.
Time to activate Plan D. Relocate the headquarters of the Nigerian government to France. Then, from there be looking in on Nigeria once in a while just to make sure that in their over excitement and passion; they do not end up murdering each other in gruesome ways.
I am willing to bet that this President has up to a Plan Z which he will activate; if the need ever arises and if he exhausts Plan E – Y while still in office.
These are the issues.
People who are governed by politicians (including a President), who have up to Plan Z; trying to dissuade themselves and each other from at least having a Plan B. Trying to stop themselves from stepping out of the path of the demolition ball headed in their general direction; using moral and emotional blackmail, on each other.
If THAT is not wickedness at its peak, then I’d like to know what you define as wickedness.
Don’t worry, I’ll wait.