Feminists Who Want Love Must Bring Femininity To The Table – Nkem Ndem

Feminists Who Want Love Must Bring Femininity To The Table – Nkem Ndem
As the feminist movement is gaining more ground in Nigeria, women are becoming more independent, opinionated and strong. This is good as it is creating more opportunities to curb toxic masculinity and allow women to gain a more equal footing in the workplace and society. But on the other hand, it seems that women are getting more and more masculine.
I recently had a conversation with a group of male friends who claimed that more modern Naija girls are remaining single because they are becoming disconnected from their feminine energy in the name of “wearing the pants”,  and they now emasculate the men in their lives with nagging and controlling behaviour, idolizing an “I can do it all myself” mentality.
And although I debated with him, anchoring my argument on the need for Nigerian women to free themselves from the stifling misogyny they have to grapple with on the daily, I deep down understood the basis of his gripe.
Not to knock feminists down or anything of that sort, but a number of modern Nigerian women (maybe even myself included), we have become so strong that we no longer know how to relax into our true feminine essence, where we can flow, allow vulnerability, and receive support from a man in his true masculine energy.
We realize that we do not need to wear skirts to feel like women and we can actually protect ourselves and be financially okay, so we now tend to aggressively fight our way through life. The effect of this is that we no longer feel safe to be our deeply feminine, radiant, devoted selves as women….and we harden instead of softening. And this translates to our relationships. In the process, we lose the art of fully embracing our innate femaleness in relationships as we don’t really understand the dynamics of masculinity and femininity anymore.
What happened to being a strong, yet feminine, woman? What happened to empowering ourselves with our womanly gifts to pave our way to the top? We can actually be empowered and yet utterly feminine. Feminine energy is all about vulnerability to create deep connection and attraction with a man.
And please don’t mistake my assertions as pro-sexism.
This is about masculine and feminine energy, and the need for balance in a relationship between two people. Masculinity and femininity are complimentary dynamics which together produce innate harmonious balance. We must allow men to be men, and allow ourselves to be feminine (and yes, we can still be strong) women.
Men thrive in their masculine energy, where they can be protector, provider, fixer, and hero. If we don’t allow them to rise because we are holding up our walls to be strong, they feel emasculated and powerless, and we don’t feel safe to express our true feminine energy.
Let them be men, and your strength as a woman will flourish. Women, bring your feminine nature to the table!
Men tend to like soft, feminine women, and women prefer masculine men. This goes way back to pre-historic times. We unconsciously fill these natural roles, and there is nothing wrong with this. Even homosexual relationships have a male / female balance. It is what is naturally expressed within us.
If there is an imbalance and a woman is acting like a man, perhaps by acting aggressively with her partner during a dispute, he will treat her like a man, and fight back or withdraw. Basically, feminists wondering why they can’t still attract and keep the Alpha male they desire need to keep this in mind. Feminine energy meeting a masculine energy equally is the way to go.
What do you think? Please have your say in the comments section.

About The Author

Kingsley Alaribe is a Digital Marketer with 1stNews, and writes the weekly column, Strangers and Lovers. He is also a Data Scientist. Email: [email protected]

Related posts


  1. Emeh olivia

    Feminism is a good idea and empowerment force. Every woman is expected to rise up and be herself. The marginalization is becoming alarming. In all ramifications of the society activities,the women are been cheated and relegated to the background. The women folks must come together and stand for their own and freedom. The people who are in jail are far better than the so called women that are free from jail in the sense that both the married and single women are in jail as the cases maybe…….

  2. Peter

    Hi, Nkem I just read these and honestly feel overwhelmed at your understanding and perspective reasoning of the ongoing femininity argument, so to speak.

    Your are 100% correct and for the first time I appreciate your newsletter always appearing in my mailbox (please understand my point of reasoning).

    I was sad to see no comments in the comment section. This blog post is truly insightful and sheds light on the male and female underlying fight for power and respect.

    Thank you very much. I wish a lot of women could read this. I personally like strong women (semi tomboys to be specific) but honestly get endeared to them even more when they occasionally express their soft feminine nature which all of a sudden is slowly dying in most women today.

    Thanks again.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *