From the outset of the Lagos lockdown – and I say outset to push optimism – most people truly believed we would have things back to normalcy in a fortnight.
Oh, well, I did.
But if the time in isolation revealed anything, it is that the lot of us are no brighter than the dim lit moon in comic Arabian skies.
At this instant, there are three classes of people in Lagos: the essential workers who have to be out there for the good of the rest of us; the non-essential workers obeying the law and staying put so this alien disease can be controlled; and, finally, the defiant, unruly set of citizens who have more reasons than one to call everyone’s bluff.
After the fortnight, most people did not expect the lockdown to continue because of the economic toll it was taking in a place as commercial as Lagos. Least of all, they did not expect another two weeks.
Oh, well, I did.
But you wonder how the compliant class of citizens have fared in their obedient lock away?
Me too.
So I found a collation of confessions contributed online. Let’s just say everyone is receiving a rousing hello from the other side.
The good, the bad, and the Lagos – 032
I think my kids are finally tired of
our faces. I don’t think they’d
mind if we chose work over them
Nnamdi, Parkview
I’m tired of my girlfriend.
It was fun isolating with her
for the first three days, but now
it feels like we are in Big Brother house
and she’s beginning to act like
that girl on the show that shall not be named.
T.C, Ogudu
My husband farts a lot. I didn’t
know it was this bad cause
I only see him at night. Is this
what his colleagues suffer?
T.W, Oniru
I don’t think my mom respects me
or understand that I’m a top
executive. She shouts on me to
come wash plates while I’m on conference calls.
Y.N, Opebi
My mom doesn’t really believe
I have a job. She’s worried all I do
is sit on the couch and press the
laptop. I suspect she thinks I’m into yahoo.
Deji, Lekki
My children are hooligans. I am
tempted to get a DNA test.
They can’t be mine. Their teachers
are really trying.
D.O, Lekki
My wife looks at our kids like
she’s contemplating locking them
outside. I’m ashamed cause I look
at her like I’m waiting for her
to give me go ahead.
K.B, Surulere
Should I be worried my husband
likes sex a lot during our break?
What has he been doing during
his breaks at the office?
C.B, Ajah
My wife is a drunk! I don’t know
if it’s the kids or work that’s
driving her to drink but the empty
wine bottles keep piling up.
J.S, Gbagada
And then the governors, Lagos State Governor inclusive, agree on a further two-week national lockdown.
We’re in for a treat.
