The good, the bad, and the Lagos – 033

The good, the bad, and the Lagos – 033

From the outset of the Lagos lockdown – and I say outset to push optimism – most people truly believed we would have things back to normalcy in a fortnight.

 

Oh, well, I did.

 

But if the time in isolation revealed anything, it is that the lot of us are no brighter than the dim lit moon in comic Arabian skies.

 

At this instant, there are three classes of people in Lagos: the essential workers who have to be out there for the good of the rest of us; the non-essential workers obeying the law and staying put so this alien disease can be controlled; and, finally, the defiant, unruly set of citizens who have more reasons than one to call everyone’s bluff.

 

After the fortnight, most people did not expect the lockdown to continue because of the economic toll it was taking in a place as commercial as Lagos. Least of all, they did not expect another two weeks.

 

Oh, well, I did.

 

But you wonder how the compliant class of citizens have fared in their obedient lock away?

 

Me too.

 

So I found a collation of confessions contributed online. Let’s just say everyone is receiving a rousing hello from the other side.

 

The good, the bad, and the Lagos – 032

 

I think my kids are finally tired of

our faces. I don’t think they’d

mind if we chose work over them

Nnamdi, Parkview

 

 

I’m tired of my girlfriend.

It was fun isolating with her

for the first three days, but now

it feels like we are in Big Brother house

and she’s beginning to act like

that girl on the show that shall not be named.

T.C, Ogudu

 

 

My husband farts a lot. I didn’t

know it was this bad cause

I only see him at night. Is this

what his colleagues suffer?

T.W, Oniru

 

 

I don’t think my mom respects me

or understand that I’m a top

executive. She shouts on me to

come wash plates while I’m on conference calls.

Y.N, Opebi

 

 

My mom doesn’t really believe

I have a job. She’s worried all I do

is sit on the couch and press the

laptop. I suspect she thinks I’m into yahoo.

Deji, Lekki

 

 

My children are hooligans. I am

tempted to get a DNA test.

They can’t be mine. Their teachers

are really trying.

D.O, Lekki

 

 

My wife looks at our kids like

she’s contemplating locking them

outside. I’m ashamed cause I look

at her like I’m waiting for her

to give me go ahead.

K.B, Surulere

 

Should I be worried my husband

likes sex a lot during our break?

What has he been doing during

his breaks at the office?

C.B, Ajah

 

 

My wife is a drunk! I don’t know

if it’s the kids or work that’s

driving her to drink but the empty

wine bottles keep piling up.

J.S, Gbagada

 

And then the governors, Lagos State Governor inclusive, agree on a further two-week national lockdown.

 

We’re in for a treat.

 

 

 

About The Author

Kingsley Alaribe is a Digital Marketer with 1stNews, and writes the weekly column, Strangers and Lovers. He is also a Data Scientist. Email: [email protected]

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