“His money is our money; my money is mine alone” – Peju Akande

“His money is our money; my money is mine alone” – Peju Akande

 

 

Money is a major source of conflict in relationships.

 

 

One day, my partner asked me to send N50,000 to a colleague; he would reimburse me, he said.

 

 

A few days later, he gave me N100,000.

 

 

I said, “Thank you… what of the N50,000, you asked me to give so and so?”

 

 

His mouth hung open for a long time before I shut it with another question:

 

 

Me: “Did you forget you asked me to loan you N50,000?”

 

 

He didn’t. “But I just gave you N100,000 dash!”

 

 

Me: “Oh, ok, you gave me N50,000 dash not N100,000!”

 

 

“Really?”

 

 

And that’s how the quarrel started.

 

 

I don’t know who was more disappointed between us. Me, who was jubilating for getting 100k only to find it was just 50k; or him, thinking I ought to be grateful for the dash and never ask for the money he borrowed from me.

 

Money in relationships can be wahala and I don’t want to go into the heavy financial issues. Just the little money issues that often confounds one in a relationship.

 

When women borrow money from their men, they tend not to remember to pay back. This is simply because as far as they are concerned, “You can’t be borrowing money from yourself.”

 

ALSO READ: Aunty of life: Some elders are ‘agbaya’ especially when it comes to money – Peju Akande

 

 

I know I have collected several “loans” that I had no intention of paying back. But if he asks me for money… the first thing I’m thinking is, “When will you give me back?”

 

 

If he should ask me how much he was owing in order to pay back, I would inflate the figures!

 

 

 

“His money is our money; my money is mine alone” - Peju Akande

 

 

Those of us familiar with TikTok must also have seen that challenge where women and their husbands quarrel over money borrowed. Husband borrowed N2,500 plus another N2,500, making it N5000. His wife replies that he is owing N41,000!

 

 

It might seem confusing but as a woman I understand the logic behind the calculation!

 

 

The women aren’t displaying their lack of basic math skills; but the fact that what they lent the men must come back with interest. So, the argument continues and many times, the men never win it!

 

We were on this money issue a few weeks back when my partner asked me; “Who gave you people this idea? Why do you women calculate like that?”

 

Well, we weren’t taught to act like this. It’s just the way we are wired.

 

Our friend had a story to tell when we visited him days back. He told us he had run into some financial issues and had gone looking to borrow money from friends to no avail. He said he came home dejected and complained to his wife about how people just wouldn’t lend him the much-needed loan for the project.

 

 

Wife asked him how much he wanted. He said N5 million!

 

 

She told him she had N5 million…and gave him the N5 million!

 

 

ALSO READ: Dear ladies, some guys are mad. So, if you don’t like him, don’t ‘chop’ his money – Peju Akande

 

 

The shocked husband told us he never even knew his wife had N500, 000, not to talk of N5 million! He was very proud of how prudent she had been with her money and spend!

 

 

Anyway, sha, I don’t know whether he intends to pay back.

 

ALSO READ: The lesson I taught my son about money! – Peju Akande

 

 

Women are very intuitive with money. We know how to spend it and we know how to hoard it. What would usually determine how generous a woman is with her money can depend on the man. If he is the generous type, women tend to be equally generous. If he is the type that hoards his money, the woman would hoard their money to spite him!

 

 

Which is why you find many women playing the role their men should play; paying rent, school fees, et al! So, why won’t a woman help her man pay rent or school fees?

 

 

 

“His money is our money; my money is mine alone” - Peju Akande

 

 

“That’s his job? If he is unable to, I would…for a while, then he must pay me what I spent.”

 

 

And if he doesn’t?

 

 

There are no benefits!

 

 

“If he knows how much I have, he won’t give me more…”

 

 

“If he knows how much I can afford; he would ask me to pay for more things in the house.”

 

 

So, best to keep quiet.

About The Author

Osigweh Lilian Oluchi is a graduate of the University of Lagos where she obtained a B.A (Hons) in English, Masters in Public and International affairs (MPIA). Currently works with 1stnews as a Database Manager / Writer. [email protected]

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