Honesty: When it isn’t the best policy… – Peju Akande

Honesty: When it isn’t the best policy… – Peju Akande



Honesty, they say is the best policy. I totally agree with this especially as it concerns relationships. I would prefer not to know what my husband, partner, significant other got into before I met him; and especially if whatever it is he did will have no bearing whatsoever on our current or future lives. 

However, if the thing/event/ happening will affect us in the present and our future relationship; please bae, tell me the truth, no matter how bitter. I would prefer honesty in that case. Although, I am not the – I must know everything about you – kind of person, I’ve also realized; some things may just be best kept hidden from your significant other.


Like the story of how honesty cost a young lady.



Honesty: When it isn't the best policy… - Peju Akande


Now, let’s call her Tina. So Tina is a single mother caring for her 7-year-old daughter. Tina said she was once married. However, the father of her daughter sent her packing when she, in her honesty; revealed to him she was raped on her way to work one early morning.


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Tina said she lived at Oko Oba area; worked at Surulere. She woke up as early as 4.30 am to prepare for work. Thanks to the long distance and traffic; the best time to leave the house to work is 5.30 am so she can make the 7am clock in time.


What this means is that when she walks the distance from her home to the bus stop, many times; it is still pretty dark and with hoodlums lurking at every street corner; her routine may not have gone unnoticed.


Now, maybe some hoodlums had marked her for the attack. Maybe she was just unlucky that day, could even be that she was mistaken for someone else, who knows? Tina’s bag was first snatched from her and before she could shout; she was dragged into a canal and raped by a gang of three. 

She made her escape when more people began to flood the area as the sun slowly came up. She said she ran as fast as her legs could carry her. Never once thought of calling for help against her attackers; she said she was just intent on escape.

Tina hurried back home, shaking and unable to talk. She finally summoned courage toed the path of honesty. She reported to her husband, who was still home preparing for work.



Honesty: When it isn't the best policy… - Peju Akande


Her husband at first was angry, insisted she took him to the spot of the attack. Then, wanted her to go report to the Police…


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In her words; “I am not sure he heard me say I was raped. I think he just thought they beat me up and stole my bag. Indeed, I was ashamed to say I was raped but my husband just kept insisting we should go to the police. Left to me, I would just have kept quiet and be happy to be alive to see my child again.”


When she narrated the incident at the police station, it dawned on the husband that indeed she was raped. From then on, Tina revealed that her honesty made her become to him, ‘like shit.’


He asked her, when they got home, ‘Why did you allow them rape you?’


That was the end of the marriage. He stopped having sex with her. He stopped eating the meals she cooked. And he stopped sleeping on the same bed with her…After a few months, he asked her to leave. Their daughter was just two years old.


‘Maybe I shouldn’t have told him. In short, I wish I hadn’t told him.’


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What if he finds out?


“How will he find out? If I had gone back home and told him I slipped and fell; taken a bath, changed my clothes, gone to work…I won’t be raising my daughter alone.”


I don’t know who I should feel the most sorry for, the young woman or her daughter. Maybe I should also spare some thoughts for the husband, I am told he too is suffering…how?

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