Today we will talk. I will of course push my unpalatable opinion down your throat as usual like cum but because you love me, you will swallow even if you are gagging. Eeew. Love is a strange thing.

Anyway, there is something I have always found curious. Lines/tweets like these are familiar, ”all you girls who will not leave another woman’s husband/boyfriend alone, God will punish you”

two women fighting

Now let’s go technical a bit. Our learned friends/people who read widely/people who dey too sabi wetin no concern them, we are familiar with the theory of burden of proof. Loosely stated, it is imperative upon (s)he who makes the claim to provide positive proof. What this means is if you say there is a horse under this table, you have to show me the horse. I do not have to show that there is no horse. Very lay. This is why in a murder trial, the accused/defence does not have to prove that they did not commit the crime, although it would help their case to do so. But the prosecutor/accuser has to provide evidence that not only was there a murder, the accused committed the murder. We have seen many cases dismissed for lack of sufficient evidence. While circumstantial evidence may be admitted… whatever.

Let’s move on. You get the gist.

I like to apply this theory/thinking to most aspects of life that require my action versus inaction and my belief versus suspension of belief.

Now, let me apply it to the scenario of two people in an exclusive relationship of any kind.

A man marries a woman or a woman marries a man, but there sha is a marriage. I am going to stick to ‘a man marries a woman’ narrative here because I don’t know if I have been privileged to hear this same warning sounded at the man who sleeps with someone’s wife. These dire predictions/warnings are always levelled at girls/women who sleep with other women’s partners.

Ehen, so like I was saying, a man married a woman. Depending on their orientation, tradition or outlook, we can assume that;

  1. He did all he could to snag this woman
  2. He invested a lot of time, money, energy, emotion, any and other resources, but there was sha some heavy investing
  3. By hook or by crook, he ended up in the (un)fortunate position of being her husband
  4. Before this, let us assume that there was a ceremony
  5. But so we don’t limit this to marriage, let’s say it was just a partnership, any kind


Reverse the five points above, 1) Woman did all she could to snag man… etc.

Point is, a relationship is established.

And words are spoken. If there was a ceremony, we can assume there were witnesses, maybe even a document to prove the above. If there was none, there must be some kind of assumption that the relationship is exclusive. An understanding between the two parties.

Are we on the same page so far? Good.

Then one of the partners, and staying true to my narrative, the man, decides to step out and get some nookie on the outside. Or two. Or three. Or serially.

Things start to go wrong. And guess who madam blames. The other woman.

And guess who society points the finger at. Again, take full points for correct answer.

I have struggled to understand this.

Now, I understand rivalry and competition – it is integral to humanity. But, if I felt the need to actually sort issues out either peaceably or aggressively, it comes down to a simple question. Who did I make a deal with?

Let’s use an analogy to see if we can unravel this a bit more.

Say you have a business partner. You both agree that you are a team and as such, you are only to do business together and with each other or with the express permission of each other – you might even have it in writing. Say you then found out that your partner was doing business with a third party outside your agreement, what are your options?

  1. You might decide to offer your partner a sweeter deal… err, for the sake of the friendship or whatever. Depending on what’s at stake but you might want it pretty badly enough to try to resolve the matter with them.
  2. You might decide to go to the competition and offer them a better deal and then join forces with them.
  3. You might decide to also cheat your partner out of the proceeds if you can swing it.
  4. You can decide to cry foul and dissolve the partnership.
  5. You can also decide to turn a blind eye and maybe make excuses for your partner (you see, honesty is not his strong suit, or her mother is in hospital, she needs the extra dough).
  6. Finally, you can decide to wait them out till either the situation becomes impossible or it dies a natural death. Till the next time it happens of course.

What you will however NOT DO is leave your partner in the office and stomp off to go look for the other person and beat them up or arrest them, or sue them. You know why? You do not have a contract with them. A.B.C.

Face your partner. You might hate your ‘rival/competition’ but your problem is with the person that made promises to you. The other person is a non-entity and a non-issue. The only reason you or anyone else would think they should attack the competitor is if they feel that while your partner is untouchable, they are who you can win with. So you attack the easier target.

This, brethren, is why you have women fighting over men and idiots saying leave another woman’s man alone.

It is not on.

I do not endorse people ‘snatching’ other people’s spouses any more than I endorse them ‘snatching’ other people’s jobs, but those people, let their conscience be their guide.

But the person who made the promises, the vows, said the words, built a life with another and is hurting another, that is whom you should turn your fury on.

When you say someone snatched a full grown man, you insult him in a way even he cannot comprehend. You say he is a retarded idiot, weak-willed who can be swayed this way and that and has no honour. You say he is impressionable and stupid. So you foist on the other woman the responsibility of warding him off. Depending on her ethics, she might or might not be bothered to shoo him off like a pesky gnat. She might decide, oh what the hell. *shrug* What if your husband were visiting prostitutes? Would you go fight them too?

This is a society that is used to apologizing for men, men are weak, we women must help them, we must dress decently so they will not rape us YOU WILL F&%K THAT SIDEWAYS IN 69 DIFFERENT POSITIONS, NO FOREPLAY. I’m not buying and neither should you.

Hold the people you invest your trust in accountable. There will be no demand if there is no supply.

As for me, when it comes to infidelity and stuff, I will fight for my relationship; I will fight harmful norms/traditions/stereotypes, I will fight illness, I will fight career challenges; oh yes, I will fight.

But fight another woman? Count me out.

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About The Author

Osigweh Lilian Oluchi is a graduate of the University of Lagos where she obtained a B.A (Hons) in English, Masters in Public and International affairs (MPIA). Currently works with 1stnews as a Database Manager / Writer. [email protected]

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  1. Robirobi

    You know people are going to come after you for trying to protect yourself because you’re most probably a husband snatcher abi? Lol.

    Just did kidding! You did this topic justice as usual, bravo. You’re the only person I bother to read here. Keep keeping on. My own though is, why fight anyone at all? When y’all can just have a threesome or a foursome, depending in whether the other woman has a significant other. Life is too short for all the fuss.


  2. Paul Gaius

    Hi Pearl, I like your tongue o. This is my first time reading an article of yours, i like your unconventional style. you make plenty sense. you dey smoke dat thing?


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