2022 seems to be the year of the side chicks.
Over the holidays, I attended a burial outside Lagos. Prior to the trip, I had eaten something that didn’t agree with me and so as soon as we arrived at the venue of the event, which was a huge event centre, I hopped into the facility’s convenience.
As I stepped into the toilet that had more than 12 toilets in a row, I saw some 8 -10 ladies who obviously had been recruited as ushers (judging by their uniform dresses and hairstyle) for the event. They were changing clothes and applying makeup to their faces.
I’m not sure whether they noticed me when I entered but their gist continued as if no stranger had come into their midst.
“Ehen, so what happened when the witch caught you?”
“What would I have done, I jumped, I took off with just a bra and pant o…I still had my phone with me and I hailed Uber…”
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There was general laughter.
“If it was me, ehn, I would have torn her eyes out! Did I force her husband on me? She should just go and deal with him, not me, what’s my business with her?”
“You’re just talking, if you see the woman? Huge, she had charms with her, please no man is worth all that trouble. I ran for my dear life…”
“Gimme his number, you don’t know how to do these things”
“Yes, I want his number, let the woman come and try me…”
They all talked at once so I couldn’t decipher what was truly going on, plus my stomach was roiling. I told myself, “Biko, let me concentrate on my own shit” literally and figuratively…
But soon, the girl who had her friends talking began to retell her story…and this is it.
So it turns out she was involved with a married man who lived in Abuja. One day, the man’s wife came charging at her in their cozy pad wielding charms. She ran away and her friends thought it was hilarious and they would like to have a go at the man.
Chai! These children!
I stayed put in the toilet.
Let me get this straight. First off, I blame the madam for going around doing charms to stop side chicks from going after her husband. As far as I see it, her charms should be directed at her husband. He’s the one with the wandering eye and member.
Two, I think by even resorting to the use of charms, the man would likely end all relationships with the wife. No one wants to find out his woman is involved in love charms that most times backfire. It just takes away the joy and love and security one has with that person.
Third, so these small, small girls think it is funny being chased with charms?
I literally froze when I heard them laugh over the charms.
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Well, maybe I am old school and charms scare me shitless. As I made myself presentable, resolved to tell them a few home truths…but then again I reminded myself; “Who send you aunty goodie shoes? Berra mind your business and wipe yourself clean before you put your mouth in other people’s business!”
That said, I got up, washed my hands and walked out as the invisible woman I was when I came in while they continued with their chats and laughter…
Oh by the way, the girl shared the man’s number with her friends.
I felt sorry for the wife because she will have a hard time with these girls in 2022.