Letter to Sugar Daddies – Abiodun Kuforiji-Nkwocha

Letter to Sugar Daddies – Abiodun Kuforiji-Nkwocha





Dear Sugar Daddies,


Are you surprised I am writing to you? I am surprised at myself as well.


In life, you get to a point where you stop being so self-centric. You want to affect the world positively. You want to make an impact. When all your lower needs are met, you have to look up. You must give back to society and leave it better than you met it.


Dear Sugar Daddies, do not be confused.


I am not about to go anywhere. I have not found religion and trying to restitute my past. No. I am just feeling very magnanimous. So, I want to betray the club and tell you, our Sugar Daddies, what you should know. I actually think that deep down within you, you know all these things but money is a deceiver.


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Letter to Sugar Daddies – Abiodun Kuforiji-Nkwocha




The lines begin to blur at some point and it is flattering to think that people are attracted to you; simply because you are engaging, handsome, lively, intelligent and irresistibly attractive.


However, you sugar daddies are amongst the most delusional human sub-species that walk on this earth.


The gumption that it takes for you to approach a girl a third of your age who is incredibly pretty is awe inspiring and cringe-worthy at the same time. The gall of it!


I mean, you will find a man well entrenched into his 60s sporting a beer gut; complete with spindly legs and a hairline almost merged with his neck confidently invite a girl to his hotel room. Not just any girl. A 19-year-girl in her second year in university. She is unblemished, soft with the right curves. Her eyeballs are clear white against his bleary worldly eyes with a tinge of cataracts and corruption.



And when this girl agrees to come with you, sugar daddies. Your heart beats in excitement as a voice in you tells you “You still got it!”


You sigh after giving her the only round you are physically capable of giving. You recline in your boxers as she rubs your belly; telling you that you gave it to her good. Thereafter, you smile and then you remember your madam at home and then you frown. Madam is never excited about sex with you. When it does happen, she never compliments you anymore. Which is fine with you as you watch her walk to the bathroom with her dimpled buttocks; along with several rolls of fat. You berate yourself for even still sleeping with her when there are girls like the one next to you that are willing and make you feel good about yourself.




You turn over and make promises to the 19-year-old girl. Here goes promises like you want to upgrade her phone. She claps her hands in excitement and attempts to go down on you but you stop her. You are not sure the amount of blood that will be pumped to get your turgid member up is worth risking a myocardial infarction.


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But you feel rejuvenated. There is something refreshing about sleeping with young girls. It makes you feel good again. Like you did when you were younger but only better because while you had to work hard to get the girls to notice you in your youth; now, you only have to invite them with a few hundred dollars and they are yours.




You think back to the last girl you had who had wept when you told her you couldn’t see her anymore; after you chaired her wedding. She had really liked you… or so you thought.



You sugar daddies shock me. You use money every single step of the way to get us and keep us.



The money is the sugar.



Yet, along the line you begin to think that there is something else apart from the money that gets us and keeps us.



Sirs, with all due respect, you are just as unattractive as your wives think you are.




You know and are attracted to very beautiful girls. You recognize the glow of youth and you bask in it. We are not blind as well. -We like men with abs. We like handsome and virile men who can keep it up through the night.



The only problem is that such men do not have your sort of money. So, we are constrained to close our eyes as we satisfy you and pretend that we like it.




Letter to Sugar Daddies – Abiodun Kuforiji-Nkwocha




Dear Sugar Daddies, let me itemize some truths for you.


  1. We do not really like you.


  1. We are rarely physically attracted to you.


  1. You give sound financial advice. We like that. It is like a free consultant at one’s beck and call.


  1. We are in it strictly for the money.


  1. You never give us orgasms. We fake them. You may have been dynamite in your time but your time is not now. Satisfying a young girl even with the assistance of Viagra is no longer in your purview.


  1. We always have regular boyfriends. You have wives. It makes it even. Don’t demand that we be exclusive. There is not enough money in the world for us to latch on to you exclusively. You fund us, we primp ourselves for our men and impress our female friends. That is how it works.


  1. We do not love you. I know every Sugar Daddy has a story to tell once upon a time how some girl was crying over him. No sir, when you lose a contract, you cry. When you lose a job, you cry. When a source of income dries up, you cry. We love your money and money alone. When you take it away, we get emotional.


  1. Do not build castles in the air with us as the queens. We are not trying to be your wives.  Don’t send your wives away for us. Not everyone is Bianca or Celine Dion. They married old blokes. We will not. We don’t want the cow, please. Just constant milk.

  1. You are getting your money’s worth. It is a business transaction. You like young girls. They make you feel good. We like money. It is a win win situation that requires no disillusionment or complications. Give money and get sex/eye candy. Don’t begin to bore me with intricacies of your life and your problems. Give me my money and let me go.


  1. Did I say we are in it for the money alone? Oh, I did. Well for emphasis, I am saying it again.




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Letter to Sugar Daddies – Abiodun Kuforiji-Nkwocha



So there you have it, Sugar Daddies. I may have seemed harsh at some point but the truth prefers being naked. No dressing. Your charm and wit does not get you the girl. Money does. Never forget this.


Now, Sir, my rent is due…



Thank you.



Signed: Sugar baby.

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