Love: There’s no suffering in it – Nkem Ndem

Love: There’s no suffering in it – Nkem Ndem



Love” is the most powerful four letter-word in existence! Everything we, humans, do revolves around or is motivated by some form of this very strong emotion.


It’s almost as though every human in our current society is in some kind of pursuit for love. But then, while everyone seems to be searching for love, it’s easy to count the number of people who can actually beat their chest and say that they have found it in its true form.


The kind of love we are looking for in this generation seems to be ultra-elusive! Perhaps, that is the justification for our society’s stereotyped view that love must involve suffering to be the real. Or that great love requires great suffering.


Love: There’s no suffering in it - Nkem Ndem


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A couple of days ago, American star, Snoop Dogg, praised Gucci Mane and Keyshia Ka’oir’s relationship with a meme repost.



Snoop Dogg, praised Gucci Mane and Keyshia Ka’oir




The meme had a photo of the happy couple holding hands at their wedding. Also, it had a caption which read: “Everybody wants this. But what y’all forget is she was with Wild Gucci, on drugs Gucci, cheating Gucci, in jail Gucci, publicity with other women Gucci | This is Gucci after therapy / rehabilitation | This is a street Man Groomed in his 30’s after he’s been at his lowest | Point, this is a RIDER who knew what she signed up for. Yall other females is with another dude after a couple fights.”



Snoop Dogg, praised Gucci Mane and Keyshia Ka’oir



However, Nigerian media personality, Toke Makinwa, was not having it. She made a very lengthy and passionate reply: “Talk Tuesday!!!!!! I am deeply tired of this narrative though, this post pissed me off soooo much. Why do we like to make women look like huge jokes?



Snoop Dogg, praised Gucci Mane and Keyshia Ka’oir


Love should not come with suffering

“Why is this the way to happiness? And why must you sell the “I suffer pass” mentality? This promotes low self-esteem. I know for the most part of my life I believed that for love to be real, it has to hurt.

“I believed there has to be pain and real humiliation before you find peace and that mentality is BS. That mentality made me stay in crazy situations and do the most for the wrong reasons.


Let’s stop please.


This is trash. Please show me examples of men who stayed with a cheating woman, drug addict, jailbird, publicity with other men etc.


ALSO READ: Maybe we should all be bad girls… – Nkem Ndem



Love: There’s no suffering in it - Nkem Ndem

“Show me a man who knew what he signed up for and even after she slept with his brothers and friends held her down till she became refined. If we can’t pick 10 men, please stop raising your daughters to hold down situations that might eventually break them.

Stop selling the narrative that women have to suffer before they find love. This is ruining lives for real and it should stop.”

If I had eight hands, I would have clapped all of them in response to Toke’s message.

Love is without suffering, by definition. Love is a generous, peaceful, welcoming feeling. It has no slot for suffering. I strongly believe that if you suffer, it’s not love. But something else that either gets in the way or gets mistaken for love.

We (men and women) deserve the kind of love were we are not put through any physical, mental or emotional torture before our worth and value are seen. More important, women should not have to be rehabilitation centers for damaged, deranged and toxic men.


Comfort, contentment, fuller and richer lives

Agreed, every single relationship you have in this world will lead to a measure of suffering because the only way to avoid it is by having people with the same ideas, life choices and events. There isn’t anything at all romantic in suffering. Suffering is highly overrated.

The perpetration of this myth has done great harm to a whole lot of people who get brainwashed about how things are supposed to be by a society that peddles notions derived from fantasy, not real-life experience. Love that is lasting, strong fulfilling is not born from great suffering.

I’d go so far as to say, when people think a perceived love is real and because it brings a lot of suffering to one or both, they couldn’t be more on the wrong track. Love shouldn’t come with suffering. It should make people feel good about themselves and each other.

Indeed, it should enhance their lives, make their lives fuller and richer. It should bring comfort and contentment. Also, it shouldn’t cause a lot of pain.


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Granted, there will be some pain.


That’s inescapable. That’s because any time a person invests heavily in anyone or anything, that person takes a risk, making himself/herself vulnerable.

When we lose someone we love, the pain is significant.

So, there’s really no love that doesn’t involve some degree of suffering. HOWEVER, the suffering should not now be the yardstick for true love.

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