Maybe we should all be bad girls… – Nkem Ndem

Maybe we should all be bad girls…  – Nkem Ndem



Who wants a bad girl? We were raised to believe that being a “good girl” was our salvation. From the time we wers little, we heard the same refrains…




Listen to authority figures. Be feminine. Cover your legs. Don’t talk to boys. Follow the rules – official and implied. Defer to others, and “where’s your smile, sweetie?”




Perhaps the worst thing we were told was that we would only find love or be chosen by men if we were good. Men would never marry “bad” women….Bad being a word to classify girls considered promiscuous because they dare to embrace their sexuality, defy edicts, flout rules, or do what they want without giving a damn about their bad reputation.


Maybe we should all be bad girls... - Nkem Ndem


But recently, I’ve been wondering…who good girl hep?




If you are not keen on porn or have anyone around you who keeps tabs on adult entertainment, you probably may not know Mia Khalifa. But here’s the thing. Twitter erupted on Monday on account of her.


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The Lebanese ex-porn star claimed to have made only “a total of around $12,000” in the adult entertainment industry. Apparently, she had made the confession in a recent interview. She also revealed that while she may still be one of the biggest names in the industry, she had only worked in the adult film business for three months.


While her confession sounds incredible, I must say that it wasn’t what caught my attention. Apparently, this girl who certainly wears the crown of “bad girl” is also engaged to be married to Swedish chef boyfriend Robert Sandberg. And they seem happily in love. They even have a YouTube channel together!


What happened to a “bad girl” not being relationship material? What happened to a bad girl not finding love? How did Mia Khalifa manipulate that reality…Or is that “reality” just hogwash?


ALSO READ: Nigerian girls can no longer wear panties – Nkem Ndem


Do we dare believe that being a “bad” girl may not be the worst thing ever? I have so many questions.


Too often, the people we romanticize or dismiss as “bad” are working from the limitations of being pushed to the margins of society. Not of choosing to live on the edge. Being a bad girl may be a bad deal in some respects. But I think to a certain extent, it gains a woman undue social condemnation and ostracism e.t.c.


Our society has stubborn aggressively toxic attitudes toward women and women’s bodies. We still tend to think of women’s bodies as public property, though. Therefore, the less “public” she allows her body to be, the thinking goes, the less “bad” she is. Ergo, the more valuable she is.


You may find this shocking. But clearly, nothing a woman does with her body, and nothing about her appearance, has any bearing on her value as a person. Neither does the number of sex partners she has, nor her enthusiasm for satisfying sex.


It does not stop her from finding a good man either! Actually, when it comes to that, men are more drawn to “bad” girls as opposed to good girls. When men think of bad girls, they imagine a woman who is sexually free, open for adventure and just doesn’t care what other people think of her.


They stand as the symbolic freedom that men have yearned for. The freedom that the average relationship doesn’t always allow due to the constraints of society and responsibility.


ALSO READ: Lagos girls with real bodies are becoming scarce – Nkem Ndem



Considering this, maybe we should all be bad girls then!


Ultimately, it doesn’t really matter if you’re good or bad, innocent or guilty. There is someone out there who is going to love you for who you are. There really isn’t anything damning about being the “bad” girl as long as you can handle the consequences that come with it.




If anything, the bad-girl option may actually offer tremendous benefits for women who are increasingly free to be players who use sex for their own ends, as men have done for years.




What do you think? Let me know in the comments section…

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1 Comment

  1. Wole

    I rarely respond to articles like this but I would this time. Firstly the writer needs to emancipate herself from mental slavery. It’s not everything that comes from the west or overseas that is right or acceptable. Even irresponsible men must respect and admire a woman who is responsible and well mannered! A woman is not a trophy for any man nor is she an object of enjoyment but in her awareness of her role she uplifts a nation in her conduct in her manners in her dressing in her behavior. When a woman attains this level of understand whether married or unmarried will be a pride to her environment.
    Our concept of marriage is very different from the west and they can marry for a day a week or a year, they can marry for fun to spite or for publicity. Can we now adjudge that as a reason for your article? I think you should quietly reflect as a woman and how you wish to shape your environment. Stay blessed


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