Mercy Aigbe: Should married women maintain friendships with single women? – Abiodun Nkwocha

Mercy Aigbe: Should married women maintain friendships with single women? – Abiodun Nkwocha




Have you been following the Mercy Aigbe Story?



If you haven’t, let me just give you a brief recap. A few weeks ago, news broke out that the actress Mercy Aigbe had married another woman’s husband. From all indications, this was not a regular Muslim man marrying a second wife scenario. It was a matter of a woman believed to be the friend of the family eventually marrying the man of the family who left his first wife.



Ill-advised, Mercy Aigbe and her husband did a photo shoot and interview with the view of clearing her name and the air. They claimed that Mercy had never been friends with the man’s ex-wife. They claimed that the marriage was over before Mercy married him.



But that little bubble burst when the man’s wife told her own side of the story.



Her story being that she introduced her husband to Mercy Aigbe and that Mercy was first of all her friend. Also, she alleged that Mercy had been sleeping with her husband for a long time.



The news unfortunately is part of what feeds our paranoia as women when we are reluctant to allow our friends have friendships with our husbands.



It is almost “How to keep a marriage; women’s edition” first chapter that women without husbands that hang around you aim to snatch the husband. We have heard so many stories of this happening. We hear how men are incredibly undisciplined and easy to target and of course act with their appendages.



This is usually why we as women are told that we have to keep our space safe without letting any attractive female be a constant feature around.





Some women befriend wives just to have access to their husbands; or so that the wives are comfortable with their presence. Or so we were told. For a long time, I hated hearing this. I believed in female friendship. Not every woman needs a man. Being married does not mean you end friendships with women that are unmarried. It seems stupid to even think about it.


ALSO READ: Married women still want courtship – Abiodun Kuforiji-Nkwocha



Who are those people that create these stereotypes with the view of making women think that women are their perpetual enemies?



However, I have since reviewed my position.



Why have I done that?



Look, it is true that women are always casted to seem like they are their own enemies. But walahi, after living for 40+ years on this earth; I can say that this is not a fictional conclusion drawn out of nowhere.



Women compete for men.



I am sorry. No matter how it irks you, it is still true. And this being true does not mean it will apply to every woman that exists.






But wherever there are women, men are like a prize. Men scramble for beautiful women or women who seem very sexual. Their aim is mostly so that they can fuck and run. (Permit my French, it is hard to call it sex or making love when it is really just a fuck).



But how we have been socialized, men are always the prize. Any man. The richer the better.



Because single women are given such a hard time; it is always at the back of the mind of single women to find who to build a relationship with. Even when such women are accomplished, they are not seen to be complete when they are single.



A friend who visits me intermittently dropped by. When she left, my nanny asked me where her husband was. I said she was unmarried and my nanny said “eiya”.



I was livid.


ALSO READ: Men are usually the weakest link in marriages – Abiodun Kuforiji-Nkwocha




My nanny stopped school at J.S.S 3. She can barely read or write. She cleans and cooks in my house. My friend is a lawyer and known personality because of her gifting. She is well travelled, well spoken, well read and a high-flyer. She is also very beautiful.



But none of that meant anything to my help.



Because my friend wasn’t married, she was to be pitied.



And this is what our society does. It treats women without husbands as pariahs. No wonder many women are managing bad situations. No wonder a lot of women will scheme to get married.



Now add money to the mix and see women forget all that is noble.



Most women will put their desire for a man in their lives above friendships. Some women stay close to you envying that you have a husband and will jump at the slightest opportunity to replace you. Just add a man that doesn’t have sense in the mix and the switch will happen.








And many men, who think they are wise but a lot of times are very easy to manipulate, do not know what is going on.



It is easy for a single woman to be charming and understand and to fawn on a man. Most wives are not doing that anymore and this is not a bad thing. This is because the relationship has progressed. It is not sustainable to place a man on a pedestal forever. The men also don’t do that in a marriage. A marriage becomes real with people not hiding how they feel.



But a side chic looking to upgrade will remind a man of all that he thinks he should get and is not getting. So, they think they are making a decision. They don’t know they are walking into a carefully constructed contraption.



The side chic is just focused on having the man take care of her emotionally and financially. She doesn’t see it coming that men are just men. A man that easily discards will still discard. She will be the bright new shiny toy for a while till they see another younger model or a new toy on the shelf.


ALSO READ: Mercy Aigbe’s husband Kazim “Adekaz” Adeoti clarifies, “I am not Lanre Gentry’s friend”



I kind of think the winner in the Mercy Aigbe saga is Kazim’s ex-wife. It may hurt but let’s face it. For her husband to be doing this, it is not a plus to her life.



Mercy and Kazim are not on a honeymoon. The bad energy they have stirred up may be a vortex that will suck them up.



No be prayer o.



So bottom line, should wives be wary of single women?



I can’t categorically say yes.



I think women should be wary of the type of men they have. Above everything else, every woman should strive to have a full life which includes an income.



These men are like those Honda cars.



Tyre fit collapse any time for road.

About The Author

Osigweh Lilian Oluchi is a graduate of the University of Lagos where she obtained a B.A (Hons) in English, Masters in Public and International affairs (MPIA). Currently works with 1stnews as a Database Manager / Writer. [email protected]

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