I have had it to the hilt with multi-level marketers.
Over the weekend, my phone line kept buzzing and buzzing and buzzing. Someone I knew albeit casually was trying to reach me at what was unfortunately, the most inopportune of moments.
While I was at work conducting trainings, my phone would start buzzing. A quick glance at my watch would ID the caller – same person. While driving and using the GPS to find my destination; a call would come in and disrupt the connection, forcing me to either quickly swipe up to dismiss the call; miss a turn, or pull over by the side of the road.
In the middle of a reunion, while sleeping, while cooking.
Now, did I pick this call to make this person at least stop calling and let me reach back to her at my own convenience?
At least once, I did. I said “Oh sorry, you are calling me at a very inconvenient time. If you don’t mind, let me finish up what I am doing and find a time when I have at least a couple of hours to settle down and chat with you, and then call back.’’
Was this enough for my caller to take the hint and leave me alone?
No.
It had to be at her time, and her time was like right NOW. Eventually and out of exasperation, I had to do the needful, which was to block her.
Now, who was this person and was I owing her any money?
No.
She was to put this nicely, a multi-level marketer. I would have said “Ponzi scheme operator” but I still have some unused niceness quota; so, I’ll be good and choose the more polite descriptor for this pest.
And how did I get to meet her?
Just off the bat, I had had a huge order on my online store for an item that I didn’t carry; but which could be sourced online from the MLM head office. So, I did just that and just as I was about to check out; I discovered that if I signed up as a consultant or whatever it is they are called these days; I could get an almost 50% discount plus a lot of goodies thrown in and then some more perks.
Well, the Nnewi in me was intrigued.
“I would take that offer. Thank you, very much”, so I signed up, got my discounts and fulfilled my customer’s order, and moved on with my life – or so I thought.
Little did I know that that random act not only made me a bona-fide distributor; but also assigned me an up-line – one who took a look at the rather huge (I must confess) order I had just filled, and felt I was about to make her blow in a big way – beyond her wisest expectations…This, dear brethren, opened the doors to the most persistent “stalking” under the guise of “follow up” and “keeping in touch”.
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Once or twice, I have actually taken my time to explain to this ardent marketer how busy I was; how disinterested I was in setting up a business doing whatever it was they were doing; how I did not know two people who could bring two people who could bring two people ad nauseam; but it is either she doesn’t believe me, or whoever is motivating her before she picks her phone and begins spamming people’s lives actually injects a concentrated dose of caffeine straight into her veins.
The energy is annoying.
The constant calls irritating.
And the timing? Oh, the timing of those calls! I would have said that Loki the god of mischief was definitely always by her side because she never made a call at a time that was any other thing but “inconvenient”.
The persistence of multi-level marketers though…
How do they do it?
How do they get so convinced about a product that they risk being double macerated by a prospect at the end of their wits, to continue pestering people with all sorts of random “opportunities”.
And just like their counterparts in Nigeria, these people claim to have made billions from network marketing; but are still working low paid care or retail jobs in America. They claim to have made enough to buy houses worth millions of whatever currency it is they are geo-politically associated with; yet still paying rent, getting yellow eviction court summons pasted to their front doors every second week of the month.
They have won trips to the sun, the moon and galaxy because of their over efficiency in luring in two to bring two to bring two. But they are still trekking around and wearing out the alignment on their footwear in search of a prospect.
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“Come out and come and join us,” they urge you. “Quit your job. You can’t get rich working for an employer and come and be like me. I am answerable to no one; and run my own business from home. I am a CEO. I am living my best life.”
Yet, you take a close look at these multi-level marketers and are unable to reconcile these stories of easy and luxurious comfort with the worn-out shoes; threadbare clothes, decades old hairstyles and weary work faces and composures. They are in a billionaires’ club with their friends “Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Tyra Banks and Dangote”; but you need to sign up kwik kwik with the money in your pocket or they’ll have to temporarily de-billionairize and have to trek home.
Is it the promises of all expense-paid vacations abroad; spending cash and car prizes that keeps them going? Or is it a case of “dem don chop me mugu so me self must either find another person to chop mugu make e follow me see what I see” or what?
What motivates these people to continue pushing these illusions when they can actually do something and be more productive?
If these multi-level marketers expended all that energy in Buhari and Oshunbarde’s favorite profession for Nigeria’s lazy youths – farming; surely they will harvest yams taller and wider in girth that most full grown men?
Who do them this kain thing?
Anyway, this is a shout out to all the hustling multi-level marketers all over the world.
Please and please:
Travel the world alone.
Win tear rubber cars alone.
Purchase houses alone.
Collect spending cash alone.
You have my permission, support and blessing to do so.
What I do not permit, support, or bless for you to do; is to pester my life with same old same old in different wrappings; just because you are under pressure to meet sakes and enrollment targets.
Please. Do you!
And let me do me.
Enjoy your CEO life inside the mansions in the rat-infested ghettoes you live in. I will manage having an employer for now with a clear path to career growth and progression and with the small small fa here salary I am choosing instead of resigning to come and join you in enjoying the billions you are enjoying whilst slapping the streets.
And whatever it is you do, be well, okay?
