When you lose friendships, you face a unique kind of rejection.
Unlike in romantic relationships, where the lines of commitment are often clearly defined, definitely broken, or completely removed; friendships exist in a place that both seem less important than romance, and yet in many cases, is far more intimate.
Rejection by a potential romantic partner is often seen as a part of the game of dating. When we are rejected by a friend or group, we’re often far more bereft.
These are the people with whom we have shared far more honest and authentic pieces of ourselves. The pain from losing friendships can often run far deeper and last much longer.
This is only amplified by the fact that we often don’t get closure.
Unlike romantic relationships with a clear beginning and end-date, friendships tend to break and fade over time.
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Sometimes, we simply stop talking to someone and are afraid to be the next one to reach out. Often, we just can’t get our plans aligned and are left wondering if life is really this busy or we’re both avoiding one another.
Sometimes our lives stop running congruent to one another, and we discover our bond was really through circumstance and nothing greater.
Other times, we stop having enough in common to make the effort worthwhile. Sometimes we stop being the people we once were, and our relationship shifts alongside that.
You are not for everyone, and everyone is not for you.
You’re supposed to outgrow people.
You’re supposed to let go of some people in order to find others.
The honest truth is that you are not for everyone, and everyone is not for you. This isn’t because you’re unworthy of being in their presence but because you’re simply mismatched.
Being rejected from a romantic relationship isn’t a testament to your inferiority; it’s a sign you weren’t properly paired with a partner who could walk alongside you on your path in life.
Being rejected from a friendship is the same.
You do need to understand that it is normal, and healthy, to phase through certain friendships. Personalizing and ascribing intent to that natural process is what’s causing you so much pain.
In the past, friendships would end and you weren’t faced with constant updates of those people’s lives. Now, you are. Now, you’re connected to them in a way that no human beings ever have been before.
Instead of naturally growing into the people we’re meant to be, we hold onto our old identities and try to bridge them all together.
We try to be a piece of what we imagine each person in our lives wants us to be, and the weight of trying to be everything, all at once, breaks us slowly.
Because we aren’t supposed to carry all of this. We are only supposed to show up as we are today. Authenticity is the only avenue through which true connection can form.
You are not entitled to be part of every plan someone makes, even if you consider them your friend.
Your friends are allowed to do things without you.
They are allowed to move on.
You are too.
The point isn’t that you should just “get over it,” but do recognize that you are supposed to outgrow some friendships. Not everyone is here for a lifetime, and not everyone can walk a path that aligns with yours.
The faster you accept this, the easier you can let go and find the people who are ready to walk with you toward where you’re heading next.
