Nigeria is a nation on cruise…
“The wizard at Ensor who assumed the title of Emmanuel has been consumed by divine indignation; and now his disciples bewail his ignominious exit.”
I read this celebratory comment attributed to jheri-curled lover boy-turned-prosperity preacher, Chris Okotie on the death of his long-time rival and “enemy” TB Joshua. I marvelled. A lot.
Apparently, he and his entire congregation had been on a hupopodion mission since the start of the year and with the approval of Jesus Christ the Pantocrantos, have succeeded in pulling down Chris Okotie’s greatest enemy Prophet TB Joshua of the Synagogue Church of All Nations.
Indeed, many are mad. It is just that they are not receiving signal from all the available masts. That is why they are not yet roaming so that we can physically confirm how many of us are still sane by every ramification of the word “sane”.
It was quite a week anyway. From President Buhari banning Twitter in Nigeria; the same portal on which many Nigerian youths were misled by “intellectuals” wielding big big grammar, condensed to 40 words or less in order to abide by the micro blogging platforms regulations; into giving Buhari 110% support during the elections that saw him finally emerge President of Nigeria after 15 long years of trying.
New media was one of the primary tools with which the APC then sold its change agenda; buying over the minds of angry Nigerian youth; many of who then mobilized into an army that was willing to do and undo for Buhari.
Today, that portal that led to his “breakthrough” has been banned by him.
For deleting a tweet after pressure from the same youth; one that mocked a shameful era in Nigeria’s history; one that Buhari himself participated in and orchestrated and then sought to expunge from history in order to keep the future of Nigeria from learning about their ignominious past! A tweet that threatened a section of the Nigerian populace with genocide, bloodshed, war and devastation; as this, indeed, was the calling card of the expunged section of history our president was threatening us with.
Again, the ban of Twitter in Nigeria was announced on Twitter. It took certain instruments of government almost three days post-ban to deactivate their Twitter accounts.
But let us leave that one first.
Shortly before all the sensations of last week; the administration had expressed an intention to conscript National Youth Service Corps members into fighting dirty and uncertain wars on behalf of Nigeria.
Wars that the government claimed to be fighting, while allegedly secretly supporting the insurgents and terrorists; therefore, ensuring that there were serious or sustained efforts to wipe them out. Wars that well trained soldiers were deployed to and were ambushed and killed off by the insurgents; specifically, because of suspected sabotage by the same people who deployed them to war.
Wars in which Nigeria had lost some of its best men; a host of whom were allegedly buried in mass, shallow graves around the locations where they fell; a nation that does grave disservice to those that served it the most and gave their all in the unfortunate hope that it would count for something in the salvation of the country.
Nigeria spat on them and treated them worse than dogs knocked down by superstitious drivers along our highways.
So, now that Nigeria is running out of trained soldiers to fight its wars; it has decided to lay hold on the children of the average man. The hope of their parents and families. These ones that cannot even boil indomie if the water was set upon the stove to boil; the sauce was added, noodles thrown in, and a fork given to them to stir it.
These ones that just want to gbe body and join their belt-less general in crazy legwork dances?
Indeed, Nigeria always has a plan B. It is their citizens that would keep on deceiving themselves that a Plan B is not necessary.
Anyway, the point is that Buhari’s Plan B for “fighting insurgency and wars on behalf of the nation” are a Twitter generation. A Tiktok generation. Issuing clap-backs back-to-back on Twitter, clowning around on Tiktok, chasing Insta fame on the gram, etc etc.
Yet, Buhari took away their toy. Their distraction. Their source of information, joy and productiveness; yet, he has plans that when he is ready, these ones would happily collect malfunctioning ammunition; then happily march off to go and die at the hands of trigger-happy insurgents on behalf of a nation that does not and will not care for them; one that has taken away their playground?
Over and again, I would say that the major problem Buhari has are the people he chooses to surround himself with and the counsel he chooses to keep.
It was indeed a tumultuous week; what with the shutting down of Twitter Nigeria and the virtual relocation of a section of the citizenry; many of whom had been itching to escape the Nigerian hell-hole; into various countries around the world, thanks to the use of VPNs.
Prophet TB Joshua’s passing a few days to his birthday also helped to deepen the mood in the country. His death was not only “sudden” and unexpected; but apparently unanticipated by the man himself, known for his visions and prophecies. He had reportedly just finished conducting a service when his soul departed his mortal body.
However, the joy of being Nigerian is that no matter how dreadful a situation gets; a mood lightener always turns up when one least expects it, to relieve the tension in the land.
In this instance, it was Chris Okotie; desperately looking for a mast to connect to in order to actively begin roaming; that is lightening the mood for us with his hupopodion baba nla and nonsense.
But even as we enjoy the comic relief from Okotie’s quarters; let us not lose sight of the most important fact in this matter…
Buhari the tyrant has not, cannot and will never change.
It is the duty of every well-meaning citizen to stand against any forms of bullying, intimidation and mistreatment from their leaders and begin to demand a better treatment from them all.
Especially from the chief servant of the country, Nigeria – General Muhammadu Buhari.