Dear Nigerian men;
In case you missed it:
Trending this week on social media Naija Branch, is the allegation that women are entrapping and ensnaring reluctant Nigerian men; by washing menstrual blood into the men’s food.
I will not lie to you. This is one of those times when I think satire and sarcasm should take a back seat, and everyone giving an opinion on this matter would freely air their “church mind”; and the reason is quite simple.
I want to know the homes to avoid meals and refuse gifts in. Matter of fact, scratch avoiding meals – I will avoid the homes altogether.
There are certain things you do not joke with o, and I think that this is one of them.
Some weeks ago, I wrote about this trend of Nigerian women patronizing social media mamalawos for charms which they eat; apply and insert in their private parts, all in a bid to charm a man. In the same WhatsApp group are the women who carry men’s names and pictures to churches and prayer houses; for a man of God to tie them together with prayers.
And now it turns out it is even worse than we imagined.
I shudder to think of how many of my friends, relatives and male acquaintances may have eaten waste from a woman’s body; simply because the woman is in a lot of hurry to settle down while he is still dragging his feet. Or maybe the competition is fierce and the woman is trying to secure her position with eau de menses.
And in all of this, I am yet to see or hear of any Nigerian men who have taken a woman’s name to a prayer house to make her his wife whether she likes it or not; or washed his privates into a drink he was hoping to serve the woman. Nothing like that.
When our Nigerian men dabble into the fetish, it is in the quest for fame, riches and power. However, when our women dabble, it is to entrap a fellow human being and deprive him of free will.
Like I said before, I like a good joke myself; but we need to be serious on some matters so that we know houses to avoid. How does a woman for instance, who has just washed her menstrual blood into her man’s food; prevent his friend who walked into the house just as Oga settled down to eat, from joining in the meal? Or does the menstrual blood have a formula for knowing who to work on?
What if it is as potent as the woman intended? Four of her husband’s friends walk in on the meal and join in; and she now has five men who want to “die on top her matter”?
Is it not even foolishness to see that Nigerian women are desperately throwing their money, time and efforts into anything that will make them trap a man? Falling for all kinds of scam because of desperation fueled gullibility? What about the health implications of adding human waste to people’s foods?
I said this once when a woman’s story trended for adding sedatives into her violent husband’s food so he could weaken and she could tie him up. While women cheered her on and laughed at her antics; I asked if they would be so cheerful if the tables turned and it was a man drugging a woman; tying her up and beating her to within an inch of her life?
We all know the answer, don’t we?
Indeed, the Nigerian brand of feminism is becoming even more toxic than the most toxic brand of masculinity. In fact, it is not here for equality, but on a revenge mission.
Let me ask: if these stories were of Nigerian men washing their balls into women’s soups and inserting jazz into their mouths to make women follow them or even the norm; ritual killing or turning of the heads of greedy young girls for quick riches; would we find it so funny?
Wouldn’t we be on the streets with our placards right now shouting about “equal rice for woman beans”?
The double standards are so bewildering and the things we look away for, are befuddling.
Short of victim blaming sha, let me just pause and say this:
Dear Nigerian Men, these streets are hostile. Please if you do not love a woman, do not string her along. Let her know and set her loose to go and pursue her destiny elsewhere. Don’t even toast for the fun of it or string women along.
We know there is no credence to all the talks of jazz. But think about it. If you have four or five women you have been playing games with and stringing along; just imagine how much menstrual blood you have been ingesting every time you go to each of their houses to go and relax.
Develop some sense of integrity; you all. If you find a woman you truly like, stick with her and be a decent human to her. Stop all the playing around. Consider your poor intestines, please.
And as for the women; someday, your man will walk in on you washing your private part into his soup. Or adding some eau de menses into his food. Take whatever comes your way that day in good faith and when ish hits the ceiling fan; I hope these ones joking about the matter now will also be prepared to laugh too then?