Friends, Romans, Countrymen… (Okay, you may edit the middle one to reflect whatever country you wish to be identified with. I know most Nigerians would fill “Canada”, just that IELTS is not smiling these days…)
Anyway, for those of you Nigerians not on social media; permit me to introduce you to the second annual event of the Nigerian Poverty Olympics; the WDYMYCC (What Do You Mean You Can’t Cook) version. The trophy for this category is usually emblazoned with “Wife Not Cook”; and as usual, is awarded to the losers.
The winners would be found in the comment section of all the agony aunt blogs in about six months; following the end of the Olympics, requesting for their identities to be hidden and asking questions like the following;
“Assuming your husband used to earn like N200,000 every month; but use to give you only N1,000 for chop money inside which he will expect you to make three different types of soup with orisirisi that will last family of twelve for one month; and if you ask for more money, he will come and be abusing you – what do I do? Please, matured insults only”.
Please before you judge, bear in mind that these are the Poverty Olympic Winners o.
But, I want to ask o. Does an empty belly really worry about the gender that is cooking; or whether that gender has any point to prove by cooking the food? Again those who know me already know that I am not given to any feminist rants; just curious to know. This goes especially to Nigerians; bachelors who are fond of jumping around on threads of this nature; identifying potential poverty Olympic winners for honourable mention.
Again, I am especially concerned because these are the days when we have suddenly discovered; that a huge potential of Nigerian women, especially those who are on social media trying to sound woke; are actually very fetish in nature. By day, they are on social media sounding too woke for words but by night; they are everywhere patronizing all the mamalawos available.
They purchase all sorts of charms in order to attract and keep a man; that you often begin to wonder what happened when God was creating Nigerians? If He took a quick lunch break; then Lucifer stepped in and threw in a handful of kassala into the mix – just for the fun of it.
Today’s young women believe that in order to attract and keep a man; they need to buy certain charms which they either insert in their vagina; or use to cook for the potential prey. Some of them are told to add their menstrual blood to your food. Others either spit into bottles or wash their “early morning vagina” into your soup; soups which they are told to serve to your own family members and friends, nothing dey happen.
The day I tried to put up an update; asking what this “blue eyes” that Nigerians; especially women were paying plenty of money to buy and wear on their bodies were; and if these were not the same cheap plastic trinkets that are available on Alibaba and eBay for $1; shipping inclusive; the amount of young women that jumped out of nowhere to pour abuse on me; for saying you didn’t need charms to attract or keep a man; just be yourself and someone who loves you for you will come (and stay), was amazing.
That day, I knew that all these longatroat young men who will not keep their eyes and certain parts of their anatomy; in one place, will be eating “egbelekokomiyor” non-stop from multiple sources. Because today’s young women are feminists and “menaresc*m” advocates by day; but nicodemously crawling into mamalawos mailboxes at night to ask for help in attracting scum to themselves.
Which brings us nicely back to the issue of this fighting over who cooks and should cook. I think it goes without saying that the ability to make a meal should be listed as a basic survival skill for all humans. If for nothing else, reduce the possibilities of these desperate women of nowadays; poisoning you with all sorts of body wastes and unnameable concoctions. Don’t use ability to cook to test women o. You may be eating more than you bargained for.
And perchance these arguments are being fronted by married people; I don’t even know what to say to you.
It says a lot about you and your marriage that;
One: you even need to argue about who cooks and;
Two: you come to social media to ask relative strangers; most of whom may be going through worse than you, for “advise”.
Other than that, we enjoy the regular entertainment we derive from watching whatever poverty Olympics is trending at the moment. So, we are not complaining – at all.
If all you, Nigerians, continue to remain in doubt about who will cook in your house; please give me the contract to cook for you. I am an amazing cook and I honestly don’t mind spending 24 hours in the kitchen (wife advert please).
But don’t stop the arguments any time soon, we don’t mind.