Prostitutes can be useful o – Pearl Osibu

Prostitutes can be useful o – Pearl Osibu

Until last week or so, I did not know the difference between vibrators and dildos.

In fact, sex toys as a whole are kind of a strange animal to me. I like how I talk tough but can be extremely naïve in certain ways. The thing is, while I say go for it to almost everything, whether or not I myself wish to ‘go for it’ is quite another matter. I can say with confidence that the only part of my body that has ever had contact with a vibrator or dildo is my eyes. But I would be the first person to prescribe a vibrator for any lonely woman I came across. So clearly, I have no issues with it, I just feel it’s not for me. My excuse is I want the whole package, you know – the conversation, the bonding, the laughter and then the contact; the hovering presence, the warm breath on your neck, all that good stuff leading up to the main act. That’s me. If I need to just ‘get off’, heck I know what to do. So no, I have never been interested in toys.

But this was all because nobody really bought my market, made it a point to explain in glorious detail all the many pleasures associated with toys. I started off in my usual manner, half listening, ready to wave it off with my ready ‘yeah, I know but it doesn’t really work for me.’ But my German friend refused to be blown away. I think about it now with great mirth, how she invested herself in the project ‘Operation Pearl, you need a Vibrator in your life’. I assured her that many had tried and failed but she was completely undeterred. She gave me detail upon lurid detail, showed me pictures of her own personal ‘best friend’, expounded on all that I was missing, in fact going to extremes to assure me that without getting one. I cannot claim to have lived and presenting me some reasons/excuses that bordered on the ridiculous, like needing her vibrator to check that her period had presented itself.

prostituteI mildly assured her that I had managed to survive the last twenty-odd years without a vibrator telling me when my red letter day was upon me, thank you very much. But clearly, I had started to thaw. In those two hours, she not only sold me the idea and ideal, she even told me exact specs like speed and intensity; what to look for, which were the best, the best ways of acquiring them, which were great, which were overhyped and useless, why a rechargeable over battery powered, etc. I came away very knowledgeable, and yes, please feel free to colour me impressionable, but very determined to get one of these, if only to amuse myself. Literally AND figuratively.

Anyhow, I started looking and pretty soon, the internet did what it does best, inundated me with such vast knowledge I was reeling. I finally managed to pick one I liked the looks of.

But I have always told you people that there is something wrong with my wiring. Else, why do I always have to turn everything to activism?

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Pretty soon I was thinking, you know what? This is not fair. How is it that women have vibrators to pleasure themselves with whenever they have the urge and can very well say to hell with guys. They can do shakara knowing they have options. What is the guy’s option if he just wants to, you know, get off. And I don’t mean jerking off. Well, I decided to research. I found some examples of artificial vaginas and right off, I could see that not only are they much more expensive, their functionality is more suited to stimulation (since the idea is sperm collection in farms or labs) than mimicking an actual vagina. Also let’s face it, while a woman carrying around a dildo would not raise too many eyebrows, a man totting around a vagina is another matter entirely. Hell, even I would think it wild if a guy’s bag fell open and a vagina fell out. Or if I visited a guy and found in his closet an inflatable life size Nicki Minaj lookalike sex-doll. Hello perv? The closest to a guy being able to purchase pleasure whenever he desired is prostitutes/sex workers. I mean, if a woman can walk into a shop and buy sex, why can a man not walk into a street corner and buy sex? I believe in equality o. The woman can have as many shapes and sizes of vibrators as she pleases, a man is expected to be monogamous. Brethren, is this even fair? So society must adjust its thinking. So long as a woman can have sex on a whim, a man must be allowed to too. This is gender equality. And prostitution is voluntary. If you are concerned about my comparing/reducing a human being to a dildo, it works both ways. Women are also reducing a man to a penis.

Disclaimer; I think I am still hung over from the wine I drank last night.

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About The Author

Osigweh Lilian Oluchi is a graduate of the University of Lagos where she obtained a B.A (Hons) in English, Masters in Public and International affairs (MPIA). Currently works with 1stnews as a Database Manager / Writer. [email protected]

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