Sometimes you need friends who stab you in the back – Nkem Ndem

Sometimes you need friends who stab you in the back – Nkem Ndem


I have never been one to keep too many friends.


For as long as I can remember, I have only had a maximum of 4-5 friends at a time. And even now, most of my friends I have known for as long as 20 years!


Friendship means a lot to me, I am an all-or-nothing kind of person, and so if I decide that you are my friend, I am willing to give my all.


I guess the disadvantage of thid is that, most times, I expect that the same friend who I am willing to sacrifice my all for would do the same for me.


I refer to it as a disadvantage because it does not always work that way.


Not everyone can love as deeply as you can or can be as devoted as you can.


ALSO READ: It’s okay to choose yourself – Nkem Ndem


No matter how careful you are in selecting that friend, there is always the chance that they will one day break your heart…maybe even stab you in the back while they are at it.

Have I ever been stabbed by a friend in the back?





I doubt it. Not in a real sense of the phrase.


Yes, there have been episodes that have led to pain and eventual breakup with even long-time friends.


But for me personally, there is no place for hypocrisy in my life and as far as inauthenticity and shadiness of character are concerned, whenever I meet someone whom I feel is not authentic, I would cut the person from my life because I have no wish to deal with misgivings, distrust, disloyalty, etc.


And if they betrayed me, I would basically say to them “Look, I found your knife. It was stuck in my back, but I got it out and I’m sure you’ll need it again real soon. Bye!”

Interestingly, this morning I had a conversation with a friend who was sharing the case of another friend who had gone behind her back and secured a business deal that was originally meant to go to her.


She seemed quite chilled when she was giving me the update on the story, no crying or promises to deal with the friend.


She actually said:  “Girl, sometimes you need friends who stab you in the back…”


And no, she wasn’t suggesting that God orchestrated the whole thing and will eventually teach the awful friend a lesson.


She came from the point of view that sometimes, we are unable to stretch and learn basic lessons in life until we are forced to.


In her case, this was by an unreliable and hateful friend who she still said she was willing to forgive and move on with their friendship with!


ALSO READ: Loneliness can actually kill you – Nkem Ndem


Sure, I guess… realizing that friends make mistakes and that some are bound to inflict unspeakable scars on us helps to keep things subtle when there has been irreparable drama.


However, I asked her: “How do you think this betrayal will help you learn or move forward then? And how do you think you will benefit from continuing with that friendship, especially when trust is broken?”


In response, she said something in the line of the idea that, people are brought into our lives for reasons and understanding that will help us forgive them and maximize their purpose in our life.

To be honest, it all sounded like a load of crap.

The way I see it, people you think you know and you think you love you can sometimes become jealous and toxic without you realizing or understanding it.


Sometimes, that is how they always were but they hide it very well by being one way for you and themselves when you are not around.


If they show you their true colour, perhaps there is a lesson in it for you…but please get your things and keep moving.


Leave them behind and accept that you were deceived by someone you loved.


Do not try and seek revenge and do not demand an explanation or worse, move on with the relationship as though nothing happened.




Doing that will only be a waste of time and energy and will only be a source of stress and negativity.


What do you think?



About The Author

Osigweh Lilian Oluchi is a graduate of the University of Lagos where she obtained a B.A (Hons) in English, Masters in Public and International affairs (MPIA). Currently works with 1stnews as a Database Manager / Writer. [email protected]

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