Teacher, don’t teach me nonsense…
This popular refrain is best fitting to describe the current travails of Abba Kyari, who has been arguably the most popular name in Nigeria this past week.
Imagine a classroom teacher who, when one of his students who wrote and passed an examination the teacher had been preparing them for all this while, is suddenly found to have cheated massively to pass the exams. Also, it is strongly alleged that the teacher aided and abetted all the exam malpractice that led to this situation.
Plus, there is sufficient evidence to show that this had been going on for a long while; specifically, with the connivance of the teacher who, incidentally, is the school’s exam officer.
Trying to find an answer to this conundrum, the teacher is hunted down for his opinion on the saga.
ALSO READ: Lying is Corruption by Viola Okolie
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Teacher: This is a hard one for me. This student was only known to me by mistake because one day while I was in class; I saw another student standing by the door and looking around the classroom.
When I accosted him and asked what he was looking for; he said one of the students in my class stole his biro during recess. He added that he was here to retrieve it. Well, as a respectable classroom teacher with the responsibility of making sure my students were well-rounded citizens of society; I tracked down the offending student and sent him to detention.
Thereafter, we tried to unravel the mystery behind the missing biro.
After thorough investigation, we discovered that actually, there was no missing biro. This was actually a case of two fighting (over the love of a fellow student). Student number one had just used me to settle scores. I quickly made a call to get student two released from detention and handed over to his parents.
That’s all.
Questioner: So, in fact, student number one not only lied to you; but took advantage of you and manipulated the system to his advantage; using it to unfairly hold and punish an innocent student?
Teacher: See ehn! That is not the way to look at it. I later found out that that student was very brilliant. So, I registered him for extra mural classes ensuring he was directly under my care. That way, I could supervise his work.
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Questioner: But what of the allegations that he cheated his way to “success”? And that you aided and abetted him in that criminal act.
Teacher: Well, that is neither here nor there. Matter of fact, these allegations are from the international examination board which has never hidden its dislike for our school because we produce brilliant students. This is a ruse to tarnish not just my name but the name of the entire school and education system and should be treated as such.
Questioner: But there is photographic and video evidence of you sneaking out examination questions; handing them over to this student and then actually handing him a sheet containing all the answers on examination day. What do you have to say to that?
Teacher: Hahahahahahaha, enemies everywhere. I just dey look all of una dey laugh. What allegations will you come up with next? Matter of fact, I have nothing to say to all of you. I just dey look dey laugh. Time will tell. Evidence ke? That doctored evidence?
Questioner: Okay, please come closer and take a good look at the videos. Can you see as you walked past the exam room and then went in and then…
Teacher: This is the work of the political detractors of the President and the haters of my ethnic group. They are just trying to discredit all my good work as a super teacher who has won awards away and abroad for apprehending dangerous exam malpractices in the act.
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Questioner: Okay, can you give us an example of any such incident?
Teacher: Yes. Remember when that boy in kindergarten coughed while trying to recite the ABCs? I rushed into their classroom, tackled him to the ground and swooped him off to detention. He is still there now.
Questioner: A little boy? Who just coughed in an exam hall?
Teacher: Yes. We are taking such matters seriously and will not leave any loopholes for slippages.
Questioner: Well, if that is the case, why then did you allow this “star student” who is known and famed for exam malpractice get so close to you as to even receive certain unofficial privileges using your official office? Why didn’t you use the opportunity his coming to your class presented to nab him and detain him?
Teacher: Because he only came to my classroom looking for the alleged thief of his biro. He is innocent of all these charges, wallahi. As am I.
Questioner: So, what about the innocent student who you detained under false and fraudulent charges?
Teacher: What about him?
Questioner: The charges against him were false.
Teacher: So?
Questioner: And he was wrongfully detained and deprived of his freedom for days.
Teacher: So?
Questioner: His physical, mental and emotional health was put at risk.
Teacher: So? See ehn, these are not the issues.
Questioner: Okay so what are the issues?
Teacher: May the enemies of this great educational institution of ours fail.
Questioner: Wha…?!?!
