The disappointing realities of modern dating – Nkem Ndem

The disappointing realities of modern dating – Nkem Ndem


On Valentine’s day, it so happened that I spent the night at the hospital.

I won’t go into much details as to what I was doing there…but basically, I spent the night alone on a narrow bed, uncomfortable and awkwardly positioned as I had wires roped around me.

Perhaps, the only steamy thing about the day was the very weird conversation I had with a “love interest” on my way to the hospital.


Here’s the thing: I met this “love interest” on a dating app – Tinder.



Don’t judge me.



We had been chatting for a few days, and since I am the kind of girl who likes to have a few conversations and check to be sure we are “vibing” before I agree to go on a date, I had been postponing our face-to-face meeting.

As you would imagine, he had wanted to spend the evening with me, so he asked me my plan for the night.

When I told him I was heading to the hospital, the dude replied: “ I hope you won’t be afraid to get a little naughty in the hospital.”




I asked him what he meant by that, and to my surprise…this dude sent epistle after epistle of graphic descriptions of what he would do to me if he were there.

He started to have phone sex with himself, all by himself (because I refused to be involved).

I found it a little bizzare.

We had not met face to face and he didn’t even know me really!

It seems that these days, dating is the new phrase for having consensual sex just because the body parts involve need to be serviced, nobody really cares about getting to know the other person.

Everyone seems to be running in circles and once things look the least bit complicated or difficult, they move on to the next person. After all, it’s just as easy as swiping to the right on most dating apps, no?


 ALSO READ: Being single on Valentine’s Day is no sin – Nkem Ndem

Perhaps I found the incident appalling as it dredged up memories of a guy I had seen for a bit late last year.

We had a good rapport, went on dates and the one day I now decide to invite him for some jollof rice (he had been begging me to invite him to come eat something I cooked) he calls me in the morning to ask me if I have protection or if he needs to get some.

On top of just jollof rice?! Hian.

Of course, I cancelled the date…and just about two weeks after that, I saw him at a mall with another girl.

Curiosity got the better of me, so I messaged him to let him know that I saw him.

To my utmost shock, dude revealed that she was someone from his office he was seeing.


13 days.


Just like that, dude was already equally yoked with another woman!


I guess in our world today, relationships are practically disposable and if you don’t bring sex to the table or just act right 100% of the time, prepare to be tossed in the trash.

The knowledge that there are better people out there and the other grass is greener, makes it easier to commit to a hook-up culture and a one night “Netflix & Chill” stand rather than actually date and seek a life partner.

People are hesitant to commit because within two seconds of swiping right, you could meet someone “better.” Even worse, people do not want to hold conversations anymore.

In fact, it is now sort of trendy for people to say they want to have deep conversations, but in reality, they can’t even hold the most basic conversation!


It can be exhausting to alternate between longing for love, and then putting yourself out there, only to face rejection, disappointment, and the sheer waste of time that modern dating can often involve.


ALSO READ: Isn’t sex always transactional anyway? – Nkem Ndem


Perhaps we can blame it a little bit on Twitter, Instagram, Facebook and Google.

Indeed, the rise of social media and internet-dating has turned the dating world upside-down, changing how we meet people, what we know about them before we meet – and introducing a new layer of ambiguity into single life that generations before us never had to contend with.

As a result, modern dating now comes with a plethora of disappointing realities that leave you feeling totally overwhelmed and frustrated.

Aren’t you frustrated too?

What is your experience with dating in this day and age?

Let me know in the comment section below! Feel free to share your Tinder fails as well.

I’d love to hear about it.



Photo credit

About The Author

Osigweh Lilian Oluchi is a graduate of the University of Lagos where she obtained a B.A (Hons) in English, Masters in Public and International affairs (MPIA). Currently works with 1stnews as a Database Manager / Writer. [email protected]

Related posts

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *