When a woman says she has been sexually violated; you don’t need to be a woman to empathize with her.
When a woman says she has been sexually violated; you don’t need to have been violated to feel her pain.
When a woman says she has been sexually violated; you don’t need to be a mother to feel the emptiness she feels nor fail to fight with her especially when fear and guilt overpower her.
You do not need to be a woman, a mother, sister, or father and brother, in fact, to share in the survivors’ need to be free from the burden of guilt and stigma that comes from disclosure.
Also Read: There are many patients walking around with missing body parts — Peju Akande
You just need to be a human being.
That’s all you need to qualify.
And when you qualify, you want to help the survivor find the perpetrator and make them face the criminal justice system that is already skewered against her. If you can, do your best to support them to make the best decisions for themselves.
You see, sexual violation is mostly about power dynamics. It is an unwanted sexual act that includes rape, sexual assault, and sexual exploitation, among others.
When a female student complains of being groped in her lecturer’s office; when her bum is smacked or her breasts squeezed because her lecturer knows he can get away with it. Then he will never stop.
So, the female students of Unical, Facuty of Law, filed out in protest against the ex-Dean of the Faculty of Law, Prof. Cyril Ndifon, they were not coerced or forced, or deceived into protesting against his sexual harassment.
They had complained, possibly to several other lecturers who were powerless to help them, but ex-Dean, Prof. Cyril Ndifon would have us believe they were sponsored by haters in his department.
Let’s even assume someone asked them to protest the way they did, they didn’t do so because it is a lie, they did it because the person or persons who advised them felt it was the best way to get the attention of the authorities. The survivors were not just one person or two, there were at least more than 10!
So protesting became their loudest cry for help!
And oh, what a cry!
The placards they carried said it all; the words were lurid, to say the least, but it described their feelings and it is valid.
…We are not your playthings, stop touching our breasts….
What isn’t valid is the threats they are now being subjected to because of the protest.
Last week, news that one of the female students who protested was being intimidated and threatened with imprisonment by a Minister, leaked. The students were about to get screwed again!
Our newly minted, Minister of Women’s Affairs, Uju Kennedy-Ohanenye, is heard in a tape intimidating one of the students protesting Sexual harassment allegations against Prof. Ndifon.
The minister is heard in a tirade of threats against a female student reported to have been part of those who protested against the ex-Dean of the Law Faculty, Prof. Cyril Ndifon.
The text of the tape was published by the Vanguard newspaper- “If your VC makes you to go and lie against somebody, you will go to jail, trust me. I want you to be very careful because your future is at stake. You can’t join anybody and maltreat a fellow human being and equally nobody wants you to be maltreated. The day I spoke with you, I recorded what you spoke and you told me the whole truth. I have contacted your VC, I don’t know what her plans are, I don’t want to quote anybody, I don’t equally want to condemn anybody or judge anybody. But I want you to be very careful because this thing is going to prove fire. If I were you, as you have already said to me, nobody raped you, nobody sexually harassed you, keep off from this case if I were you. Read the rest in the Vanguard newspaper.
This kind of talk from Madam Minister is another reason why survivors of sexual abuse never disclose. Our culture of silence is perpetuated not just by men but by women who unfortunately wield power, as well.
I hear someone say, but the Women Affairs Minister has apologized?
We need to ask ourselves before we even consider the fake apologies the minister is reported to have tendered.
Who is this woman who has no iota of sympathy for her fellow female beings?
Is she a woman, truly?
Is she there to protect women’s rights and uphold women’s values?
How do survivors heal when they are shamed for reporting abuse?
Would Madam Minister have said this if her own daughter was so molested?
Certainly not.
Maybe support from the likes of Madam Minister is what ex-Dean Prof Cyril Ndifon has been counting on when he ignored three summons by the investigating panel set up by the university into the sexual harassment claims. He hopes to be supported by powerful allies who will rubbish the claims and declare the girls liars!
Clearly, our new Minister of Women’s Affairs lacks empathy. She lacks the first requisite for being in a position of power to help those who have no power. She lacks the voice to speak for the voiceless. She lacks the humanity to be in an office that requires…humanity.
She has shown that she would bribe survivors to keep them silent.
She would use her position as minister to sway the course of justice and frustrate the work of the Vice Chancellor of the University of Calabar who set up a panel to investigate the sexual harassment charges.
“…I will find a way to empower you people so that your life will be easier for you. I am a minister, I am above her by position,(the Vice Chancellor, Prof. Florence Obi). you know that. So don’t go and do anything that will put you into a very big trouble that will scandalise you in the whole world…”
Thankfully the leaked tape got to women who do not need to be mothers or rape survivors or have daughters in Unical Law faculty to demand an apology to which the Minister has tendered.
I must thank the Womanifesto, a coalition of more than 500 gender rights activists conveyed by Dr. Abiola Akiyode-Afolabi the Executive Director of Women Advocates Research and Documentation Centre. They stood up and said, NO! Not on our watch!
I wish they could have demanded more. But baby steps here, we’re thankful Madam Minister is apologising. It’s an admission of wrong.
I hope the young women affected will not be cajoled to withdraw their case against a sexual predator. And above all, I hope justice will prevail.
