So Tip (TI the American rapper/musician) shocked the world during the week by declaring that he accompanies his daughter to the gynaecologist to check her virginity and make sure that her hymen is still intact.
His daughter is 18 years old by the way.
I must say that in as much as little shocks me these days; this reminded me of the time I used to stand on the side of the bathtub. This was when I was in primary school. It was all fun and games till I slipped one day and slammed my tummy on the side.
I understood the meaning of the wind being knocked out of one’s sails. For a few seconds that seemed like centuries, I could not breathe. So yes, this information hit my guts and took me out.
Okay, a gross exaggeration.
But all I am trying to say is that I was shocked.
TI the rapper. The one who has sung a million songs about ‘bitches’ with ‘bitches’ screaming sex sex sex. (Another exaggeration… Permit me. How will I demonstrate my outrage if I don’t exaggerate)
For example, a few lines from his rap on the Blurred Lines song by Robin Thicke/Pharrel; (the song that has had a lot of contention swirling around it) goes;
“Had a bitch, she ain’t as bad as you;
So, hit me up when you pass through;
I’ll give you something big enough to tear your ass in two”.
Or how about his song – Whatever You Like:
“Late night sex, so wet and so tight;
I gas up the jet just for you tonight;
And baby you can have whatever you like;
I said you can have whatever you like.”
Ok, the latter doesn’t seem so bad… but there are references to sex laced throughout the song.
These rappers (I must admit, Tip isn’t the worst of them all…); but they contribute to the oversexualization in our society. They amp up sex and refer to women as bitches and sing songs with scantily clad women.
Furthermore, they objectify women. I know these women consent to present themselves the way they do. But these are not the actual women that are objectified. It is the portrayal of women that creates this general thing that presents a female first and foremost as a sexual object.
I may sound judgemental and hifalutin but I am getting somewhere. I am not about that life. Indeed, I am not offended by these things. I get that it is music.
Also, I get that it is a job. I get that sex sells. In addition, I get that it may not be an actual representation of the life that the artist is living.
So, I am not saying they should not sing about tearing the ‘asses’ of ‘bitches’ with their ‘audio’ humongous phalluses.
I am simply stunned that such men that see nothing in calling women bitches; being explicit about the sex acts they want to perform on women and make these songs that make people think of nothing but sex and being sexual actually truly want to confirm their daughters’ virginity.
I mean he is so vested in it that he follows her to the gynae for a regular virginity test.
How many women has Tip had sex with outside marriage? Even within marriage sef? His experiences gained from people’s daughters over the years; is something he wants his daughter not to give to men abi?
Ok, I get it. We see enough of life to want our kids to navigate life better than we did. Equally important, that takes us into overdrive sometimes.
But if Tip is such a champion of virginity; how hasn’t he used his influential profile to stand for it over the years. If he has, then I take this back… I did not see that he has anywhere)?
Why does the lifestyle he projects and has benefited from, have sex laced all over it?
Parents can raise kids that way that they want to. They are their kids but you do not own anyone. You guide them when they are children and protect them. However, when they get to a certain age, you have to trust that they are able to take what they have learnt and go through life…Making their own mistakes and their own resolutions without you.
The violation that is virginity checking should be outlawed. I am stunned to see that people in so called ‘saner climes’ do this nonsense. If ever my parents had taken it upon themselves to do a virginity test; or check if any of their six girls were virgins; I don’t know how my childhood would have been.
That is traumatising stuff. I will even go as far as calling it dehumanizing.
Moreover, my friend once told me of her mother taking her regularly to check her virginity. Indeed, the pain in her eyes… her teen years through university years were horrible. She still got pregnant before getting married.
I understand being strict with young women. Only because the society is much harder on women. A young man can face his life without fear of discrimination even after getting a dozen of women pregnant.
However, for a woman, it isn’t that easy. Raising a kid is hard. Having an abortion is not an easy decision. Sex affects a woman differently from a man.
But a hymen check changes little if a child wants to be wild. There is anal sex and oral sex. And even science faults the notion that a hymen signifies virginity.
Isn’t it better to persuade your kids with education? Proper education.
And then trust them.
Lastly, understand that losing one’s virginity says nothing about a person’s worth. It doesn’t say a person has suddenly gone wild. It means that an individual is human.
As a matter of fact, there is nothing wrong with preserving one’s virginity. It is a perfectly valid choice… also a personal one. Not to be policed by an overbearing parent.