Dear side chics.
Dear spectators and the general public, what is going on?
When I wrote the satirical article on side chics a few weeks ago, I never really thought that there was a growing thing in defence of the side chic.
But my eyes have opened wide since then.
There is a growing activism (even if it doesn’t call itself that) that humanizes the side chic and even tries to defend her.
In fact, wives and main chics are getting arrested for protesting against the interference in their relationships by these women.
Well, I may have stretched the truth a bit.
Wives are getting arrested for inflicting physical harm and stripping side chics in public.
I know this sounds bad and that no one should beat anyone but haba! To completely and wholly condemn the wife who is a victim as well is not good na.
“Face the husband who made vows to you. The side chic does not need to respect your union.”
The above is the new cry in town.
It is like a coalition of girls who want to date men in committed relationships and the men themselves have conspired to legitimize their trysts.
Whereby women would visit their wraths on the ‘strange’ woman, wives’ reactions are now being policed and criticized and bullied into being held in line or face the reality of being silenced.
The new handbook that says you should only take issues with your partner if you catch him in his dalliance is simply a theoretical, fictional piece and should be taken as a suggestion.
In the heat of the moment, who pauses to think when emotions are boiling over?
Whenever a wife attacks a side chic, it is a crime of passion with a good explanation.
You walk into your house and there is a woman on your bed with your husband.
What do you do next?
You quietly return to your sitting room and look for the book on the shelf bearing details of how to react in moments such as the one you have stumbled upon.
“Behave with dignity.”
“Never pull another woman down.”
“Remember who you made vows to.”
“No one can snatch a human being, he has to be willing.”
So you calmly read through the highlights and then you knock on your door.
“Chibuike, when you are through over there, you and I need to talk.”
You then get a cold drink of water and wait for him.
He comes out tugging at his boxers with beads of sweat all over him. The woman is scrambling behind him. You ignore her and she runs out.
“Chibuike, sit down. Let us talk.”
See my people, if a woman ever behaves in this manner when she catches her partner cheating, check her veins, engine oil is running through them and not blood.
And then be afraid.
Never eat her food. Or just straight up divorce her. She is out to kill you.
Natural reactions are different.
You open the door to the bedroom and Chibuike is winding his waist. You scream.
“Jesus!!!! What is happening? I am finished. This man, you have finished me!!!! ANITA! Hey my God. ANITA!!! So this has been your plan all along. So this is why you became close to me. I WILL DEAL WITH YOU TODAY.”
She tosses her hand bag and dives on the side chic.
There is a scuffle and some shouting. People barge in. Anita is naked and trying to wear a top.
Chibuike’s wife and her good friend who is a neighbour jump on Anita. And a betrayer neighbour decides to film it (and puts it on social media).
Suddenly, the aggrieved becomes the villain.
Guys, understand the wife please.
It is difficult to build a marriage and a home and watch it crumble just like that.
Secondly, do you really think the man goes scot free? If someone in your house colludes with a robber to steal from you, after you catch the robber, will you not deal with the person in your house?
They both hurt you. And hurt people lash out.
But if the side chic had not agreed, she would not have gotten beaten.
There are some things in this life that are preventable.
Getting a sound beating from the wife of a man you are dating is preventable.
It is in your hands.
Some wives are crazy and violent.
They may get arrested and pay for the crime, but you, aunty side chic, cannot be unbeaten. Your naked body being lashed in public will hunt you.
Prosecuting wives will not stop this. Rather, they will strive to keep this away from a camera.
Side chics, this is preventable.
You know how life throws things at you without any warning?
This is not one of those scenarios.
You may run from a plane so as not to die in a plane crash all your life and yet a plane will land on your bedroom and kill you.
This is not like that. If you are determined not to date married men, you will not be beaten by a wife.
This, I repeat, is preventable.
It is like making a decision that you will never die during a butt enlargement surgery.
If you make this decision, that surgery will never kill you because you will not sign up for it.
Dear side chics.
Again, have you noticed how these useless married men let you get beaten without helping you?
They will go back and beg their wives and their homes are intact. They may still come back to you but at this stage, if you agree you are more foolish than the wife.
The wife has a marriage to protect.
What are you protecting?
One day, an aunt of mine stumbled on her husband with her friend. She quietly boiled water in her kitchen and dumped it on this woman. She got arrested and the woman was taken to the hospital.
She was released and the case died.
Uncle wanted her back but she refused. They eventually divorced. Did uncle go to side chic to marry her? LAI LAI. He remarried to a different woman all together. Side chic is scarred for life.
The biggest loser in this was who?
Dear side chic.
‘IT’S NOT WORTH IT.’
These men are not worth all this trouble.
Leave our husbands alone.
When you become a wife, you will get it.
So with these few points of mine……
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