When a child feels like killing the parents! – Peju Akande

When a child feels like killing the parents! – Peju Akande

 

 

Let’s face it, some parents are bad!

 

 

Not all parents dote on their children and not all parents actually wish their children well; nor care about the consequences of their actions on their children.

 

 

I recently watched a movie on Netflix, “The Harder They Fall.”

 

 

Idris Elba’s character had carried a chip on his shoulder against his own father for two decades. He finds the man and shoots him dead! I remember arguing with my partner over whether the father deserved to be killed. My argument was based on the fact that the man had repented. ‘

 

Go and watch the movie. This is not a review. I’m simply drawing an analogy. Meanwhile, the movie was directed by a Nigerian and for lovers of Fela, you will be proud of some of the scenes.

 

Back to the topic of the day…

 

 

I read online about a father who serially abused his children and wife and spent the money for his children’s education on poker. Another threw his children out in the cold and never bothered to find out what happened to them. One of them was abducted and was never found.

 

ALSO READ: First born children: Why are we parents so hard on them? – Peju Akande

 

 

 

When a child feels like killing the parents! – Peju Akande

 

 

Another, who had children through several women, cared nothing for his kids. Now in old age, he demands to be compensated for donating the sperm that made the children!

 

 

There’s one of a mother who began to pimp her 13 year old out until she was 19 years old and ran away from home; another mother had sold her own daughter to a man for drugs.

 

There are stories!

 

So, what would warrant a child taking the lives of his/her parents?

 

The reasons are already in the stories I mentioned above.

 

I read about what Will Smith said of his own father in his memoir, “Will.”

 

(Ok, you’ll know Will Smith, don’t you? Go Google him, if you don’t.)

 

Will Smith told of how he almost wanted to kill his dad.

 

 

For Will Smith, he said he had repressed anger over what he saw as abuse of his mum by his dad when he was growing up. His inability to defend his mum; to stand up for her against his father’s brutality, gnawed at him for many years.

 

Will compensated his mum by succeeding in life. He is reported to have decided that the best ways to “apologise” to his mum for failing to stand up for her was by ensuring he worked hard and succeeded well enough to take care of his mum.

 

 

And he did!

 

Years later, Will said all his repressed anger against his father came to the fore when the father was dying from cancer and Will offered to care for him. The younger Smith recalled how upon recalling his father’s brutality towards his mum; he was tempted once to push his father down the staircase to his death; knowing nobody would ever suspect he killed his own father!

 

I know several people who’ve at one time or another expressed the same wish about a parent or parents who caused them so much emotional trauma and pain while they were growing up.

 

 

There are too many stories to tell.

 

When a child feels like killing the parents! – Peju Akande

 

 

 

It is understandable!

 

When parents act in ways that can potentially traumatize their kids; they are building up a wall of hatred that may never be brought down. Many times, these parents are oblivious of the pain they are causing and for some, they do not care!

 

Like the saying goes, kids are like sponges. They soak in more than we think they do. They watch our actions, read our faces. Also, they hear us when we slip and many times, these slip ups scar them for life. I have read, seen, and even heard people talk about their childhood trauma. The trauma of watching their fathers and even sometimes their mothers abuse the other parent.

 

A friend once told me her mother serially abused their father for years. Yet, she would immediately pretend he was the abuser when neighbours came. The kids dared not say otherwise and the father kept mum. Today, mum has been hospitalized and the kids say, “She is just pretending, she is a drama queen!”

 

ALSO READ: PARENTS: Are step-mothers. really that mean or do we judge them harshly? – Peju Akande

 

“She is paying for her sins.”

 

“I will never forgive what she did to my dad.”

 

Drama queen or not, there should be a place of forgiveness, I think.

 

I like to think these “nasty parents” didn’t know any better. Many times, they are repentant upon old age. Many times, too, they remain adamant, stubborn that the kids literally want to kill them!

 

But I think there should be a place for closure for kids who have murderous intentions towards their parents. Even though I know a good number would never carry out their intentions; the fact that they habour dangerous thoughts is enough to alarm anyone; especially as to the danger of holding on to a hurt for so long. A hurt we give fuel to when we record these wrongs and keep repeating them.

 

 

For some like me, I count my blessings, one of which is my inability to keep a record of wrongs.

 

 

My mind, many times just blurs out negativity and I, most often, never even remember details. So, I can’t keep going over it to remind myself someone wronged me. I imagine it can also be such a huge stress, I think, to people who can’t let go. It’s a heavy burden to bear, especially as the one you bear the grudge against is living blissfully unaware you are hurting.

 

This is not to trivialize anyone’s hurt or trauma. No! I am just saying that we can help ourselves by making conscious efforts to move on; regardless of other people’s nastiness, parents or not.

 

 

Like the Psalmist asked, if God held us all accountable, pray, who shall stand?

About The Author

Osigweh Lilian Oluchi is a graduate of the University of Lagos where she obtained a B.A (Hons) in English, Masters in Public and International affairs (MPIA). Currently works with 1stnews as a Database Manager / Writer. [email protected]

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