Trending on cyberspace over the course of the week just ended was the decidedly curious case of the young comedienne who chased clout in a rather abrasive (though not totally unusual) manner.
Her strategy was to pick at certain religious figures and make videos full of spurious claims about them.
Which is quite surprising because this young girl – Ada Jesus – had achieved some sort of fame in certain cycles with her “comedy” skits. First, she picked on the maverick Igbo prophet Chukwuemeka Odumeje; he who is known for body-slamming people who come to his church seeking deliverance; snatching off their crutches from underneath their unstable bodies and whipping the paralysis out of them with it and performing WWE worthy acrobatics with his entrances and exits from his church.
Her claim: he was a purveyor of fake miracles (youdonminnit), and he and his accomplice; the Enugu-based Nollywood actress Rita Edochie – used to procure fake miracles claimants through her (Ada Jesus).
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Not done with that, she swung around and began to pick on a traditional religion practitioner; the proprietor of the Chi Marine Temple in Asaba, also known as Ofiafuluagu. Her claim was that he was fake and powerless, etc. etc. All these claims and attacks came unprovoked. She had allegedly not had any clashes with them, just using them to “chase clout”.
Then a few short months ago, a video surfaced of this clout chaser; suffering from what looked like a failure of whatever organ was responsible for shipping waste out of her body (sorry, I never attended medical school so am not competent to diagnose anyone. I am just calling it as the Google-trained doctors around me allege). She was reportedly down and out both physically and financially and needed funds.
I saw the video and knowing this girl’s long antecedents for being a minor irritant who makes up stories in order to trend; I wished it off.
Surprise surprise, she really was ill. Then the matter took a rather bizarre turn as we saw videos of her being carried first from Odumeje’s “church”; to Ofiafuluagu’s “temple” in search of “forgiveness”.
Okay, Nigerians, let’s try to digest this in small bits so that we don’t get constipated.
- If Buhari doesn’t finish us off as Nigerians; the next likely mass murderer we are bound to face is a systemic shut down of our major organs which take a lot of abuse from us on a regular. Before the average Nigerian goes in pursuit of medical intervention, they would have self-medicated themselves to a point of stupor; ingested all sorts of “herbs” from all sorts of charlatans and accused everyone; including their own children and parents of being the people after their “destiny”.
A destiny that hasn’t helped you up to this point. Of what use is it to anyone else, bikonu?
By the time the average Nigerian eventually presents at the hospital; their case had almost worsened beyond repair and when science is no longer able to help; it validates the initial claim that restless village people have worked their enterprise.
- I once had a nanny who would warm soups until they were remaining a little at the bottom of each bowl. In spite of my instructions to always tell me when we had like one full family-sized portion of soup left; the only hint I would receive was when I came back from work; collapsed with the intention of demolishing a bowl of eba with a certain soup, and then called for it.
Even then, this girl would not tell me that we virtually had no soup left. She would just show up with eba and a bowl of curious monstrosities.
‘‘Helen, what is this?’’
‘‘Aunty, it is “mix-up”.
I guess that is the best way to describe the strange taste this going to both a pastor and a dibia for forgiveness and healing, is leaving in my mouth.
Like it’s namesake “mix-up”, it makes no sense.
Choose your struggles wisely. Don’t be the one that will now go and spark a war in the universe; especially when science steps into your matter and solves it. Then these two men(s) of god attempt to take the glory.
We have enough trouble as it is on our hands already.
- Now, courtesy Ada Jesus and this her forgiveness ménage a trois; we have heard that almost every Nigerian on social media has obi akpor; “forgive and forget” is for weak minded people; pastors are no longer supposed to model the life of Christ and a dibia who has proven that he is closer to Christ than the pastor, is just doing the most.
We learn every day.
*in Odumeje’s voice* groree be to Jeezehs!
- You see in this life, if you cannot conduct your activities in such a way that you are at peace with most men; (because some people will never be at peace with you, no matter how hard you try and believe me; you don’t have to die trying); then collect the consequences of your behavior with your full chest.
Which one is choosing two out of the hundreds of people you chose to deliberately build an online persona out of abusing at will, to apologise to. You should have kuku made a trip to every single person you had an issue with na.
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See, in as much as I feel so much compassion for that girl being ferried from one shrine to the other by her hapless and clueless family members in search of “forgiveness”; I cannot resist pointing out that there are stories to be learnt from her saga. The only thing I cannot do right now, is to point out what the lessons are; because all of us are students in the school of life.
So let me just end this by saying.
You know how they say that one person can cook for a community. But community cannot cook for one person?
Well, all of us can be chasing clout up and down, pursuing it at all costs. But nothing will happen to clout. However, the day clout vexes and starts pursuing just one of us…
E don be for that person be that.
Take whatever lessons you want out of this.
We will all eventually be all right.