When your wife births another man’s child – Nkem Ndem
What would you do if your wife were pregnant with another man’s child? Worse, what would you do if you find out, on your own; that your child of three years is actually a product of your wife’s love affair with another man; that the child is not biologically yours?
I asked a friend this question. He said he would demand the name and address of her lover. Then he would drive her to his home and leave her there. Thereafter, he would change the locks to their home; block her from access to their and his bank accounts, and then file for divorce immediately.
Furthermore, he will notify all appropriate parties that the child is not his; that he has no intention whatsoever of paying a dime in child support. Inform all her relatives, including in-laws, about the reason for divorce. And if possible, file a lawsuit against her and her lover for whatever money he already spent on her pregnancy; such as doctor visits, medication, etc.
It sounds rather harsh, but consider this. I came across an actual video that had been circulating online of a man who found out; via a DNA test, that his child of three years was not his.
So, he made an elaborate video showing how he served his wife divorce papers out of the blues and asked her to leave with the child.
Of course, I shared the video with a number of friends to get their opinion on the matter. A larger number said the man should be applauded for not resorting to rage or violence; even giving the woman till the end of the month to leave with the child.
Others insisted that the woman was super mean and not to be pardoned; as she betrayed her husband in the worst possible way by leading him to believe a child that was not his was his in the last three years. I, on the other hand, felt the man did not handle the situation right.
Sure, the hurts must have been crippling.
But there was no need for theatrics and humiliating the woman by publishing the video on social media for the world to see.
Obviously, we do not know the woman’s side of the story and really; who are we to judge how a man who is hurt should manage his feelings. But I believe both parties reacted in ways that may later on hurt the child in question.
Like I like to say, marriage is not for the weak…and while men are scum; women are ‘scummer’.
First, as a woman, in a situation where you find yourself cheating on your husband; to the point of getting pregnant…Perhaps, you should be transparent and completely honest with her current partner about the situation before it escalates.
Allow the man decide if he is willing to be in a relationship with you; knowing you are carrying someone else’s child before the child is brought into the picture.
Then seek professional assistance to help both of you work through these various stages. The fact that you had an ‘affair’ in the first place; actually implies that there is something wrong in the relationship and they will need to address this; before they can move forward in the relationship and decide how they are going to handle the situation.
Moreover, the same way you can’t force a man to love you; you cannot foist a child on a man and expect him to love it. Letting him believe it is his child may lead to major complications in future; as nothing is hidden under the sun, to be honest.
Also, it could bring legal implications in terms of the rights of the biological father later on. Many times in family law cases, we see situations where a woman becomes pregnant while still married. The husband by law, is presumed to be the biological father of the child. It complicates the divorce.
If either the mother or her husband raise the issue with the trial court; that the husband may not be the father, most courts will put the brakes on the divorce process; order a guardian ad litem be appointed for the baby and order DNA testing for all three.
Some courts even go one step further and order that the mother file a paternity action and have the real father adjudicated before the divorce can be completed.
For the man, sure, it looks like the end of the world. You probably don’t want to be responsible for another man’s child; if we do end up separating for good and you probably can’t handle comments from outsiders who may eventually know that the child is not yours.
But here’s the thing…Many people do take on another’s child and become a loving parent. The affair was not the baby’s fault – it is your wife you are angry with; though you would rather move on for the sake of your relationship.
Again, don’t worry about what other people may think. If you and your wife can sort this; you can just tell family and friends firmly that you and your wife both love and welcome the new arrival. They will take their lead from you.
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