Why are there so many single women? — Abiodun Nkwocha

Why are there so many single women? — Abiodun Nkwocha

Okay, this may seem like a stupid very broad question. In fact it is a stupid broad question and perhaps we could narrow it down a little bit.  I am not talking about young women from the ages of 18 to 25.

I kind of feel like no should expect women within that range to be preoccupied with being tied down.

This extends to the men as well.

Let me narrow it down to women starting from their late 20s. I perhaps should not be sexist and restrict the conversation to just women. But I am not a man. I feel like I would be able to touch on salient issues that pertain to women and I don’t want to ‘womansplain’ men.

First off, how do I know that many women are single?

There could be an equal amount of men that are single as well. Why isn’t it such a big deal when men are single? My people, I did not make the rules. It just is. When a man is single, we assume he just isn’t ready to settle down. We think that maybe he doesn’t have a stable source of income or is still playing the field or has commitment issues.

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But when a woman is single, we immediately think that it is because she hasn’t found a man willing to marry her. People don’t get worried about the single state of a man till he begins to inch towards 50; then it feels unnatural to be that old and unmarried. This starts much earlier for women. As a woman enters into her late 20s, everyone starts to fret about how we are unmarried. When a woman turns 30, the eggs in her stomach begin to break furiously. They are angry that she hasn’t decided to hatch them.

Okay. I am just kidding. She may not be bothered about it but most people around her begin to remind her that ‘time is going’. Her mother will start fretting and everyone will start wondering what is going on.

By the time a woman is looking at 40; she would have to be a very strong minded individual not to feel the societal pressure. It isn’t just that. If she has not had any child yet and wants children; she knows that from 35, she is considered to be on the geriatric side as pertaining to carrying a pregnancy. After 40, must people will stop talking to her about marriage. They will assume that she has missed the window of ‘settling down’.

A man’s eligibility remains intact for a longer period.

Let me go back to my question. It feels like there is a huge window of women who are ready to marry. But there is no matching number of men who are ready to marry.

Why is this so?

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When I was younger, I was quick with the placations. I would say things like “There is someone for everyone.” Or “Love will find you.” Or. “Mr. Right is coming.” Now that I am well into my 40s, I don’t feel so confident.

This is because I have seen too many women live life; hoping and praying to meet that special person to share their lives with unfulfilled desires. I know many spinsters into their 50s still trusting to find that man who will love them and marry them. But this also goes down to my friends that are in their late 20s. So we have loads of women between 26- 56, hoping to find that special man. Meanwhile, it doesn’t feel like there are enough men to go round.

We had a discussion in church about what gender dominates in world population. The men quickly said the women were more in number. And the women thought there was scarcity. But incidentally, the world population is almost equally matched and even tipping towards the men being more in number. I haven’t researched the numbers of single women of a certain age range against those of the men. I kind of wonder if it is equally matched.

It may not be, though. Just using the spaces that I interact in, I don’t know many single men over 40. Most of the time, if they are single, they are probably divorced or widowed. Meanwhile, I know quite a number of women who about over 40 that have never been married. In younger circles, I know a lot of men who have no intention of getting married any time soon. Meanwhile, their corresponding females want to get married soon.

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 I am thinking that the differences in maturation for men and women is the crux of the matter. A woman that is 50 has a smaller pool of men that she would consider eligible than a man at 50. I know that it isn’t fair and it is a societal construct but it is the way that it is. If the woman is liberally minded, she would consider men from lets say late 30s upwards. But the man would be looking at women more than 20years younger than he is. But could argue that a man in his 50s would rarely go into a relationship with a woman up to 10 years older than him. However,  a woman in the same age group would push the ceiling higher and would see a man pushing 70 as fair game.

I don’t want to believe that men are scarce.

But at a certain age, finding men that want to settle down with a mature woman seems difficult. Fertility could be a contributing factor because the older a woman is; it is believed that her fertility would be at a decline. But men don’t have tighter windows (in general).

Another one of my postulations would be that there is a general reluctance to get married, especially amongst men. We may kid about but the is a legit baby mama thing going on. Young people are having kids outside the constraints of marriage and they seem to be satisfied with it.

There is nothing wrong with being single. But honestly speaking, finding someone  to share your life with permanently is still very important to a lot of women.

I am curious to know if anyone has more definitive reasons why this isn’t happening for a lot of women.

Have a lovely week, folks.

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