Women are wonderful beings.
I had this bright idea to share with you all a list of things I resolved to do this year; but failed to do them.
I have long since dropped writing a resolution list for the year. We all know how that goes. But subconsciously, I cannot help having a list in my head of things I want to achieve whenever there is a new year in the horizon.
I was going to write that today but I changed my mind. We can discuss my failures and how I intend to strive again next year. I want to talk about how women keep saying they have changed but will never truly change.
I saw this tweet last week. Someone was asking what Gedoni does for a living and why Khafi should never have said yes to him. The lady purported to have said this is supposedly a feminist. She was very upset with the prospect of women getting married to men that do not have an identifiable source of income.
Look, forget all those movements, all the posturing and all the today woman shit.
Women largely are the same in this country. They just have finessed their rhetoric to give the impression that they are different. Secondly, women do not want to come across as vulnerable. A vulnerable woman is likely to be hurt over and over again.
Men are not nice. So over time, we learn to protect ourselves by hiding our core. We may have a desire to find someone and share our lives with someone. But men knowing this desire weaponize it to use us.
So to filter bullcrap; women are out there saying tough things about what they will take and what they will not take.
I used to fall for this thing. The strong woman who has her life together and doesn’t require a man to make her life better. I used to think that the today’s woman is comfortable wearing the balls in the relationship because she is a feminist; and sees that a woman can wear the trousers in the home and be bad-ass about it.
Do I have you confused wondering where I am going with this all? No worry, I dey go somewhere.
But as I am approaching old age, I am revising the things that I think. I am sceptical of most things. The gloss of the today woman’s verbal expressions; the loudness of it all is most of the time just noise. A thin veneer layer that easily peels off.
Do not be deceived by how emphatic the average Nigerian women speak about not needing a man; or being content on her own or how she is willing to equally sign the cheque; pay the bill and show that she is a boss.
I am convinced that today’s women would rather have someone else pay her bills than to have to do it herself. Look, I am not saying that she can’t afford to do this. I am saying that if a wealthy man is available and willing, she will take it.
Don’t get me wrong. The woman today is in a better position than that of yesterday because she is making money too. But if you see her paying all the bills while her man is lounging, know that she resents it.
The today woman just like Meghan Markle will give it all up to become a princess.
She will trade her career, her social circle, her family. In fact, she will give it up for love just like the yesterday woman.
A lot has changed but very little has actually changed.
Back to the Gedoni and Khafi engagement.
So an outraged feminist thinks women should not marry men that do not have money. There is an irony embedded in there somewhere. Can we take a census of women who leave everything to get married? Can we take a census of women who do not have jobs or careers at the point of marriage? Also, can we quantify the number of men out there catching high blood pressure because they must pay for everything from the rent to the sanitary towels at home?
It is a common and acceptable thing for a man to pay all the bills. Men know this. They do not like it. But they have been told that their manhood lies in the ability to provide.
While women fight against all the imbalances in the world of women, can we correct this? Can we also carry the burden placed on the shoulders of a man when he gets married?
I am aware that in a lot of homes across Nigeria, women are doing a lot of heavy duty lifting. They are bringing out the cash because the men are unable to.
But let me tell you what I know for sure. If a man resents carrying all the load in a family, the woman resents it a thousand times more. She minds doing this.
But I don’t blame women. Our society conditioned us not to be comfortable in a relationship where we have all the money and have to do the spending.
When men have the money, spending on their family is not something they see as unusual. For them, it is ticking a box and that adds a spring to their step.
So I say it again, the today woman is like yesterday’s woman. Little has changed. The today woman will write a thesis on how she doesn’t need a man; even when she can’t sleep at night wondering if she will ever meet the man of her dreams.
There are massive generalizations here. Everyone knows that not everyone wants the same thing. Secondly, of course lesbians do not want men.