You be ashewo, I no be ashewo by Viola Okolie

You be ashewo, I no be ashewo by Viola Okolie

I wasn’t listening in on the conversation o, I swear.

*touches index finger to the floor, licks ring finger and points it up at the sky*

I was just sitting there, minding my own business when the conversation at the next table happened to walk into my ears. Apparently, the young lady cuddling up to the equally young man who had shelled out muchos pepperos to purchase the snacks they were sharing in the eatery; had a neighbour who was a *gasp* prostitute. Ashewo!


As far as the slut shamer was concerned, this young lady sleeps with guys (the Nigerian euphemism for sex), and takes some form of gratification from the men as evidenced in her good clothes, top of the range shoes, dizzy making perfumes, etcetera, etcetera. To hear the young lady tell it, the “slut” was a disgrace to womanhood with the way she carried on, dating only those who could afford to “keep” her and maintain her appearance – ignoring the chewing gum boys to their hapless fate of dating the bush meat girls (well, the slut shamer made it sound like the extremely good girls got the chewing gum boys at the end of the day).

First and foremost, I can simply NOT understand the penchant for girls to slut shame. It is true that the Bible said at the end of time, 7 women would fight over 1 man and beg to pay his dowry just to answer his name and so on and so forth, but young lady, do you believe EVERYTHING you read in the bible? All of it without exception? Think well before you answer that kwelshun o, because I recall something about fornication finding its way into the Bible and stubbornly refusing to leave in spite of your best efforts to constantly ignore it.

So, slut shaming is not going to make your man think any less of an ambitious lady he probably admires for having the gumption to work out what she wants out of life and go after it without apologies to anyone. He might not want to date her – reason he has his bush meat clinging so insecurely to his arms and selling out a fellow woman in order to further deepen her insecurities – but he sure as heck would admire her from a distance. And your stories would drive him further away from you faster than a grudging admiration and “live and let live” attitude would.

Secondly and most important to me, you do think you are the smart one right? Okay, permit me to set the following scenarios:

Lady 1 aka “good gurl”: dates a guy for 4 – 5 years. During this period, she sleeps with him (yup, that Nigerian euphemism once again), probably gets knocked up a few times and “flushes” out the poor end result of their clandestine coupling activities (note: flushing is another Nigerian euphemism for abortion). Okay, so she washes, cooks, cleans, presents her salary for joint spending, understands when he doesn’t present his earnings to be similarly spent, takes a lot of flak from his family, uncouth friends and persistent ex-girlfriends and side chicks… and at the end of the day, she gets dumped. In frustration, she starts a blog where she spends the rest of her days cursing out men and dishing out irrational advice, confusing gullible readers who happen not to know any better and complaining about men who “use and dump” girls.

Lady 2 aka The Slut: dates a guy for a year or so and discovers he is an arsehole walking around in denim jeans and vows: “never again”. So the next guy who comes around her is put through his paces. She hangs on tight to her own money and does not do that “good wife” routine. If she is in the mood to cook she does. If not, she has a PhD in ordering a mean take out and you better be a Prof in pulling out your debit card and doing the needful. Your car broke down? Be careful as you fly that okada home, her car is not available for borrowing. It is her birthday and you better appear overburdened with gifts. Her salary is her salary and yours… well, you know where I am headed with this… etc. The guy walks and there is no buyer’s remorse around Lady 2. She laughs off whatever the relationship eventually morphed into and is confident enough to know that the one who wants her for real would be willing to woo her properly, meet her halfway and not make her work her ass off like the 18th century wives in order to prove herself worthy of a stupid circle around her ring finger. Or like an old friend puts it: “you use me, I use you, man no go vex”!

So, which of the two ladies do you think needs to be “shamed” out of her silly mind set? I thought so too!

Note 1: To date or not to date – once you have achieved the grand old age of 21, that is entirely your business. The last thing I would spend my time doing, would be convincing an adult that dating would fry their brain cells or something like that. That is not the purpose of this article.

Note 2: I am not endorsing mercenary minded relationships; simply trying to point out that slut shaming makes no sense to me. The energy you spend in cursing out and maligning another girl for the way she decides to live her life would be better spent in reshaping your own life and ensuring that you are not the one who ends up leaving relationships, holding the short end of the stick and feeling “used and dumped” in every sense of the word.

Note 3: Shebi na next week be election? Abeg who magnet my PVC comot from my wallet?

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About The Author

Osigweh Lilian Oluchi is a graduate of the University of Lagos where she obtained a B.A (Hons) in English, Masters in Public and International affairs (MPIA). Currently works with 1stnews as a Database Manager / Writer. [email protected]

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1 Comment

  1. ronnie

    My sister, you hit the nail for head ooo! One man meat na anoda man poison. I don’t know why babes go bashing other babes over things they wish they could do themselves. I believe it’s jealousy that causes it jare. Live and let live after all the bible says each to work out their own salvation with fear and trembling!


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