Some days I don’t think young women of today know how lucky they are to live in the times that they live in.
I was having a discussion with a friend on what it was like when we were in university in the early 2000’s. We had this start realization that we navigated life on our own with not the best guide or information at our disposal. We were raised to see marriage as a very important mandatory mile stone.
Also, we were raised to believe that the success of a marriage depended solely on us. We were raised in a place where the most conversations about women and where they should be happened in church.
I am talking about conversations pertaining to relationships and sex.
So, the information at our disposal was skewed. This made us naïve when it came to decisions of settling down. Even when marriage came, it was impressed upon us that divorce was not an option.
While most people think that young women today are lost; or that they are prone to be unstable in relationships and quick to jump the boat of marriage; I think that they have it better than us in so many ways.
Social media is amazing. The cache of stories shared directly from the people who lived through the situations is something I will always be grateful for. You don’t have to go digging to find out that marriage and relationships are not eternal cages. There is a wealth of information you can draw from if you are ever at a crossroads; or even need to make a pivotal decision in your life.
Whenever I hear a young woman speak about not being sure of if marriage is for her; or when I see a young woman consider divorce, I am pleased.
Now hold on.
I am not a devil who loves the thing that God hates; which divorce is.
But I love that today’s young women understand that no situation is do or die. I love that they know that people can make mistakes and retrace their footsteps. They can be so career driven or determined to make their paths in life…
I tell you this is a thing of joy to watch.
My generation (Gen X) are less likely to get the courage to leave bad situations. This is simply because we were socialized to see ourselves as capable of fixing bad marriages. So, we stay at the expense of everything that is within us. We give a semblance of making things work. We stay so that our church members don’t see us as unspiritual. Or we stay so that we don’t feel like we are failures. In fact, because our parents stayed, we stay.
We mask deep unhappiness. We cover up for our spouses and put smiles on our faces when our hearts have been shattered so long that they are no longer jagged pieces but powdered glass. And we see that we are being used; yet we enable the men on the hope that one day they will change.
It is pathetic.
But the young women of today are on no such long thing. They will not take the shit from day one. I remember someone close to me that got married and promptly ignored all the advice on making men kings. This person would not watch her husband just sit down and watch TV while expecting food.
He had to wash plates and contribute to all the process even though they don’t have kids yet. This person will not keep quiet about shelling out money for anything. The man will be heckled till he rises to the occasion. She will not be patient or quiet or just pray in the corner. She tackles things headlong.
And because of that, there have been quarrels with the word divorce thrown around. This is simply because she refuses to be our mothers and us. But the end result is a man that puts in the work and does not expect that things are going to be a ride.
Men do not just get better without a push. My generation was taught not to push. But young women now know to push.
Dear young woman, you are on the right path.
Do not pay attention to anyone telling you that you need to be like the older generation. The truth is all that we did did not work for us. Dare to find your own path.