Yul Edochie: Dear women, be selfish – Abiodun Kuforiji-Nkwocha

Yul Edochie: Dear women, be selfish – Abiodun Kuforiji-Nkwocha

 

 

Yul Edochie is enjoying his notoriety.

 

 

As an entertainer, attention is always a good thing. Actors want visibility because when they are recognizable, it is a great bargaining chip for them.

 

 

We know Yul Edochie first and foremost because his father is famous. He has always caught my attention not because he is an actor or because he has a distinct voice or even for his marginal good looks. It has always been because he is Pete Edochie’s son.

 

 

Yul Edochie has ridden on the ripples of his dad’s fame for so long that it has lent him genuine recognition. So, we know there is Pete Edochie and there is Yul Edochie. I can’t say I have followed his works as an actor but from time to time; I see posts of his on blogs which  are either him moralizing or lamenting the state of the nation.

 

 

Therefore, when he introduced his son (which is a noble thing) to the public and introduced his baby mama as a second wife, I was surprised. I shouldn’t have been. No matter how morally upright a person seems, we are all human. Especially when it comes to sex, you just never know who a person is, what he/she likes to do and who they do it with.

 

 

 

ALSO READ: Women do not have expiry dates when it comes to finding love – Abiodun Kuforiji-Nkwocha

 

 

I just thought that he would protect his public persona carefully. Which, of course, he didn’t.

 

Also, I don’t care about the baby mama. She is typical. Pretty face, loud (she is an actress) and on the big side. Standing outside and looking in, there isn’t much to it. I don’t even think it was a love story between them. I think it was careless sex on his part and he thinks legitimizing the situation is the way to go.

 

I am solidly with Mary Yul Edochie. As the only wife of my husband, myself and so many other women can only imagine the humiliation, the betrayal and the hurt May is going through. It is one thing to know that your husband dabbles outside. It is a bigger thing to discover he has a child.

 

 

But to have him pay another woman’s bride price clandestinely and it gets announced to the public is on another level.

 

 

This isn’t how polygamy is done.

 

 

No one should be blind-sided with another wife. If Yul Edochie was man enough, he should have told his wife that he was open to marrying other women. He would not have tried to hide this situation from her.

 

But it happens.

 

A man can spring another woman on his wife and expect her to accept the situation. But a woman dares not try that.

 

 

It was a reminder to most of us of just how horrible men can be. If you don’t want to be married again, it is honourable to let your wife go. But to keep that front while you dally with women shows you lack discipline or character.

 

ALSO READ: When it comes to marriage, forget love – Abiodun Kuforiji Nkwocha

 

 

 

Women are encouraged to sacrifice things so that their family progresses. We are celebrated as mothers many times in a year for all our sacrifices and caring for our homes. Some of these sacrifices include career advancement. We take jobs that give us time to spend with our kids. Some women give up their careers and make caring for their homes their primary work.

 

 

Forget what they say about cheating women. For the most part, women enter into a marriage focused and remain that way.

 

 

 

Yul Edochie: Dear women, be selfish – Abiodun Kuforiji-Nkwocha

 

 

 

Even when women keep their jobs, childcare and running the home falls on their shoulders. A man leaves for work without a thought about what happens to the laundry; the cooking and cleaning and everything that it takes to keep a house going. He comes home to find a meal waiting for him.

 

To be unencumbered with such thoughts is major when it comes to focusing on one’s job and growing on the job. For women, it isn’t so. Even when you are not at home, your mind is at home. What will everyone eat? So many times, I leave work and go straight to the market.

 

 

It doesn’t come naturally to me. I have to plan it. But men have the freedom to face their jobs without taking maternity breaks or taking the child for immunization.

 

 

So, when you as a wife have been putting in the work and that includes working on your body; you expect fealty from your man. You expect to be the only woman in his life.

 

 

Yul did his wife dirty. He knows it. His baby mama knows it. We all know it.

 

 

Is this how loyal women get rewarded?

 

ALSO READ: Don’t be Korra Obidi – Abiodun Kuforiji- Nkwocha

 

 

I hope younger women are watching. The biggest lesson to learn is that loyalty will not always pay.

 

 

I know a distant relative who worked as a live-in nanny for a wealthy judge for 13 years. When she fell ill, the judge asked her to leave and did not pay mind to her after that. Well, this lady got better and bitter.

 

 

 

 

She dots every sentence with how she worked for the woman for 13 years without growth or appreciation. She keeps talking about what she put in and how she got nothing aside from a meager salary.

 

Dear people, especially women: be loyal to yourself. Every step of the way, evaluate and make decisions that promote your growth and development. Don’t give your all to make others happy. It rarely pays. But when you grow, other things in your life will flourish as well.

 

We are not our mothers. Marriage is fine but we did not enter into it to wither away. Build yourself so that you will not tell stories of how you gave up years of your life and get nothing in return.

 

ALSO READ: I didn’t marry my idealistic man: This is why I am open-minded – Abiodun Nkwocha

 

Men will stand on you and take over the world. Then they will get up from you and move on ahead without looking bad.

 

 

Men rarely comprise on their fulfillment. Be it food or sex.

 

 

Why should women compromise?

 

 

Heaven forbids that you will be the woman that will say “…after 15 years of marriage he did this to me…”

 

 

If he won’t look out for you, look out for yourself. Do not be quick to give up a career, an income, a business just because the man is calculating how this will not make you readily available and accessible to him and the kids.

 

 

Be selfish.

 

 

Men are.

About The Author

Osigweh Lilian Oluchi is a graduate of the University of Lagos where she obtained a B.A (Hons) in English, Masters in Public and International affairs (MPIA). Currently works with 1stnews as a Database Manager / Writer. [email protected]

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